BrianCartenuto.com

Clark Kent Effect, who are we?

2011-08-24T16:39:00.001-07:00

we live in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors but we dust our furniture with real lemons. This seems to me to be a bit of a identity crisis. I see this a lot, not only as a nation but defiantly in the area i call home "I don't think America will have really made it until we have our own salad dressing. Until then we are stuck behind the French,Italians, Russians and Caesarians." ~Pat McNelis

This quote rings true in the panhandle of Florida. When i actually sit down and try to define OUR cuisine we don't have one. we are hiding behind the black rimmed glasses of NOLA, with a hint of BBQ, and then a hodge podge of at least 7 military bases with in 65 miles of me. Who are we, What is our cuisine.

Great food is like great sex, the more you have it the more you want it. I have had some great food in New Orleans, but we are not NOLA here, we are Destin, Pensacola, Fort Walton Beach, Niceville and in between. People of Nola think that just cause it is great that it will work here, but it hasn't, time and time again.

NOLA powerhouses have come over, and failed and fallen like Goliath. When i want Commanders Palace, I want it in NOLA in the garden district. Not some imitation or diet version of it in Destin. People do not come to this area thinking this is going to be New Orleans but with the best beaches in the world. It is not, it cant be, for one we in Florida don't allow our kids to drink in restaurants with parents consent. we don't have this overwhelming sense to show what our mamma gave us for a pair of plastic needs. Gumbo is great, but fuck me running i don't want it every meal, or on every menu as the only soup choice.

There really is a lack of identity here, but how do we find it? we are a revolving door of people here. Remember plant a radish, get a radish, never any doubt. I love vegetables for this reason,there is never any doubt, you know what you are getting. What are we getting?

We need to come into our own be comfortable in our own skin, it is time for a coming of age and have our own idenity and maybe stop following around the IT crowd from high school.

Bait and Fight Dancing...

2011-08-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

I have been having this recurring dream every night that I am part of this fight club, but I never get to actually fight. Being part of this team, it is like fight club meets a bit of mortal combat. They call me "toque." I think this speaks to my hate of wearing a hat, and fighting. But more than this recurring dream I am waking up super hungry every morning. Not just I need a bowl or cereal hungry but more a long the lines of longing for food, like i have been banished to a culinary waste land.

If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate. Cause i know the last thing I want to do is cook myself a grande meal that early in the morning. I have stated that brunch, breakfast, is one of my favorite meals. I hate cooking it. No one should work before breakfast, if you have to work before breakfast eat breakfast first. I don't know what could be a worse fate is waking up at o-dark-thirty and then have to crack eggs for a hour to work a omelet station. Cooking breakfast for the masses is up there with my hate for artichokes. All the trouble you go through to actually get a bit of "food" from the artichoke would much rather lick postage stamps.

i don't know what i am going to do about this problem i have, maybe i need to fight someone wearing a toque, while cracking eggs? Capoeria maybe?

I came across Capoeria after a great meal this weekend, no i actually wasn't fight dancing, Sushi, yes though sushi should never be a first date choice, cause its lack of ability to look sexy as you shove maki rolls in your mouth. It seems that as of lately the only good meals I can get in this area is Sushi.

Bamboo, in Crestview, with Danny, and all the Mikes that work there really take care of you. It is like walking into the cheers version of a sushi bar, they remember your name, and after a bunch of banter and a few wise cracks the great food comes out. This is where i had the best fish dishes on the panhandle, makerel collar with citrus ponzu, and then this rice porridge with salmon skin, dashi, tofu. yes please more... starting to rub my belly thinking about this porridge

Ichiban, in Pensacola, this is where the fight dancing was taken place. The food was spot on, with a menu of rolls as thick as a bible, it seems like a daunting task to find what to eat. I chose chefs choice of sashami and a a roll with soft shell crab, my dining partner after doing a few back flips and kicking me in the shins, ordered a few rolls and we were off to great conversation. The food was great, but it did not compare to the company, it seem there was never a lack of good convo and laughs, it even spilled over to a smokey dive bar, and I love dive bars!

Both of these places have great food, but more than anything it is about the company you keep. A bad meal can be trumped by great company which is what i have when at bamboo, or had this Sunday. I think i have found my sushi places, though Sushi Moto, in Sandestin, to see my favorite Mike is next. I am going to hunt for great Mexican, they have a word for sushi in mexico...bait

photo credit: Chase Jarvis, www.chasejarvis.com (this guy is a pure genius and one of the nicest guys I know)

Sunday FUNday

2011-08-15T13:10:00.001-07:00

Sunday brunch is one of those great meal times for me, after a long week and most likely a long weekend of drinking, I get to sit down with my brother and eat and reflect on the weekend. We maybe at a bar while I write this, but we have a good old buddy here, his names is whiskey and wine, And for my good old buddy I spent my last dime. My wine is good to me it helps me pass the time, and my good old buddy whiskey keeps me warmer than the sunshine.

The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?” “No sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to. My mom is a good cook.”

Sunday is always a day of rest. A good Sunday fried chicken, with all the fixins. Or a BBQ outside to really feel that warmth of a summer sun. I like to come to a local place in my hometown and sit back joke around and make sure that my server feels just as good as I do, cause they have tried there damnedest. Food and service is the core of of what I do, and even on my day off I still try to think as if I am in there shoes.

Sundays are not only time for Sunday brunch, though a meal at Springhill in Seattle is what I need, but a time for reflection. We all do this type of reflections in different places. So like to do it at church, Sunday school, on a beach. I prefer a restaurant.

One thing that is very common is the people at Sunday brunch. From my time served in Jackson, MS to Niceville, FL, we are blessed in this industry to be given the chance to serve on "church people." You know, the one who get to church early, stay a bit late, and then cut you off in the parking lot to get to the front of the salad bar at Ruby Tuesday's.

Now there is a big difference between people who go to church and "church people." and the difference does not matter if you are in a mom n' pop place or corprate place, these people are all over. The profile for them are usually double ice tea, one half and half, one two straws no lemons, one with half sprite and please make sure the sugar caddy is in alphabetical order. Ohh and there is a coupon involved and they are very proud to tell you that. Well it really is just a warning flag that they are flying to tell you you are not going to get tipped, but they are going to tell you tat Jesus will keep them warmer than sunshine.

But what people forget, no matter if they are "church people" or a white collar business man, that we live off tips. That yes I would love to hear your pastors sermon, but I can't cause while you are a walking contradiction, we still have to work on Sunday's so we can afford rent, and to keep our power on. Jesus does keep me warm inside, but I have never seen his name on my power bill.

Good food, good service, quality gets all. A bad meal can be won over by a smile and the willingness to make sure you are comfortable. Remembering your name when you sit at a bar, or your server saying hi to you as if they are your neighbors, sometimes it is not the meal it's self that makes it but the people you are with and around.

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Lusting, loving, and Lard

2011-08-10T13:53:00.001-07:00

You know when the sun comes out and our internal core tempature starts to rise there is that feeling of "love" in the air. I am not a bitter bachelor but holy hell i think i have seen about 6 engagements in the past week for friends. Buying a ticket to fly to South Africa, for a wedding, doesn't help the cause either

But this August heat may have me in more pure lust than it does love. The heat of summer really more than anything wants me to check out farms for the late summer crops and see what is new and around, or has everything been exhausted from this lustful summer love. What I have found that even in this heat there are so many things to cook and eat, though it may look like all I want is take-out.

Walking by a hog pen is one thing I don't like doing this time of year. I now know what a fried turd smells like and I am really not proud of it, but all that aside I love cooking pork, year round. But especially in the summer, and I cook with pork fat year round.

There are many types of useful pork fats, including rendered lard and leaf lard, bacon drippings, fatback, salt pork, and caul fat. Nutritionally, home-rendered pastured pork fat has no trans fat, and has saturated fat that contains stearic acid, which may have a beneficial effect on cholesterol. Lard is also one of the fats high in oleic acid, the fatty acid that is said to be responsible for so many of olive oil's benefits. It also preserve! food.

So really quite complaining when you come into my restaurant and you find out I fry in lard... It's good for you!

I don't know how good it is for you when you know the pig, or have named the animal. There are a lot of talks I have had on if you should or should not name your animals. My own feeling is that names come by chance most of the time, like big pig, black cow, so why not give them a name and respect their idenity.

Of course, when you are at the table and eating "lenards" loin, could not be as easy. But no less easy eating steer number 65 that comes off the feed lot, if you have cared them there whole life then why not name them.

I can only speak from my very limited, I mean very limited know how, is that giving animals the best life possible and humane death goes a long way to making the process easier.

This hot summer, makes me lust full for a lot of things and one of them is great food with great friends. Go hug someone and go support a local joint!

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Organic VS natural

2011-08-10T08:50:00.000-07:00

The corporate MoMster

2011-07-01T13:41:00.001-07:00

There is this recent, well not really recent, witch hunt to take down any food source or corporate monster that is making our children, and well nation fat. A recent article taken stated that McDonalds ness to retire Ronald. Really What the Hell? They have seemingly place him up there with the likes of Joe Camel and Spud Mckenzie, and anyone else who was petaling there goods to children. I find this really bad, that we are wanting restaurants, and corporations to raise and make sure they have good eating habits.

Honey child let me tell you something, you may need to put down the mega stacked oreo and plate of all you can eat three differnt way fried shrimp, cause even that much black, or purple, is not slimming! Don't blame Ronald cause you think that is is ok to have fast food four or more times a week cause that is all your kid will eat. Then have the balls to complain cause your kids are fat and malnutrition is setting in.

It is not the responsibility of a multi million dollar restaurant chain to teach YOUR kid or YOU how to eat. That is you and you alone job to teach good eating. I personally think that Ronald and his McDonald have done a good job in the past years to try and be healthier.

I love carny food, anything from my hometown mullett festivel and just love to have some good ole fried food! it is sort of a comfort that when in a bad mood you can find solice in a treat that will instantly cheer you up! But I don't eat it on a daily basis, and I don't see it as a treat, it is just the occasional meal here and their.

BUT there is this deadly threat out that, and i am not talking about all the process foods, yellow number 78, and phosphate, gamates, and anything that big ole purple ree ree from McDonalds. It is the loss of traditions, and knowing where our food comes from.

We fear the unknown, we don't know why we make foods the way our mothers and grandmother did. We don't know where to get it, buy it, source it. We have this sense that everything comes pre packaged for us ready to go, just order it off a menu. So no wonder food is scary to kids, they don't know about it.

I think it is time to stop blaming others for obesity, malnutrition, and realize that it is the person in the mirror. Not a guy in a yellow jump suit selling heifers with his ree ree purple friend. It is not a corporations job to be a Mom or Dad.

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Parsley, Sage dating advice, Rosemary and Thyme

2011-06-24T15:51:00.001-07:00

As a chef I get a lot of fun, and or funny questions. Especially about dating, and what to cook, how to score etc etc. Since Tucker Duke's has opened and it is a lunch counter the conversations have been quite funny. And it doesn't hurt when Uncle Danny Ray is around...

What's the sexiest food?

Oysters. Just looking at an oyster makes you think of something anatomical.
I also find Uni very sexy, it is more about the velvet texture, and the paired with homemade pasta, garlic and chilies damn I am ready to go!

But Anyone who knows me knows I'm a big, big, big believer in liver. It has to be the sexiest food on the planet. The custardy texture, the intense flavor, you have to submit to liver, take it all the way in. A good rare beef liver is like being banged hard against a wall in a skeezy alley behind a nightclub. This is sexy...

(beef liver and bacon, with creamy polenta)

What's the best meal to prepare for someone I'm trying to seduce?

Keep it light, simple, salads, fish, dessert is a must... If your seductions works you'll thank me later...

How did I get food writers and pretty girls to come over to eat my food?

Really this comes down to just promise to cook for them, and or just say that there is food here.. But I needed to casually impress. Something like the culinary equivalent of carefully procured bedhead. "Oh, this old thing? I just whip this up when I don't care what I'm eating." But don't promise them fancy. Totally authentic borscht or tripe soup like your daddy used to make. If you brag about your single-batch Ecuadorian free-trade chocolate I guarantee you'll look like an asshole.

I'm seeing someone I'm marginally into. We're having fun, but I know I don't want to get serious. At what point do I have to break it off?

The moment you feel like there more into you than you're into them. Stringing someone along like that is deplorable. People deserve honesty, and if you're honest with him from the beginning about your intentions and he's okay with that, keep going. If you feel you're being duplicitous, you should end it right away. As soon as you know it's going to hurt them terribly. If you're both in it for the short run, no harm, no foul. If he/she starts wanting to make you waffles in bed, that's a sure sign there in too deep, and you gotta go.

My boy/girl friend of eight months and I are thinking of moving in together, but we can only afford a studio. What should we do?

Don't do it... At least get a one bedroom or don't do it! Why don't you also open up a small business as well as the same time that way you have zero time away from each other... Space may be the final frontier but it is good in a relationship.

What should I cook for someone I want a long-term relationship with?

Something homey like spaghetti and meatballs. If you're making a family recipe, you're opening up the conversation to talk about your past. Bt really anything that takes a bit of time and that is shown but not spoken about. You will look like a tart if you are stroking your self about how long you spent in the kitchen. Cause I know I can do just as well with half the time! Under stated meals, that having meaning are the best.

I want to make a sex tape with the guy/ girl I'm seeing, but he's hesitant. How do I make him more comfortable with the idea?

First off why do people expect me to know how to get someone on video doing something primal, and carnal?

Unless you're super-hot and skilled in cinematic lighting, I really think making a sex tape is a bad idea. My porno experience is pretty much limited to internet pop-up ads, ok not really, but I am definitely familiar with food porn. And I know that lots of amateur photographers put some really disgusting-looking, badly lit, poorly styled food on their personal blogs.

I mean just look at the bad lighting in this hotel bathroom you think your going. To look flattering while doing the horizontal hula?

I'm going on my third date with a guy whose birthday is this weekend. What can I plan that will be "birthday special," but not too romantic or intense for a third date?

Cupcakes! No really who doesn't like fucking cupcakes, but find out what there favorite flavor is and make sure that is there... I once had a girl make me cake with a dragon on it. It was a hand drawn dragon. And it was one of the nicest gifts ever, next to the record player and lemon blue berry cake... Ok really just get some kind of cake, but not some grocery store bastard version of cake, spend some dough, you might even get a piece.... And I'm not talking about cake there!

I love Martha Stewart, she would get lucky if she made me cup cakes...

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Pig...

2011-06-20T12:47:00.001-07:00

"Pig, and the flesh derived from pig has long captured the attention and appetites- of southerners, not matter their religion."
-Southern Foodways Alliance

Introduced to Florida by the Spanish in 1539' the pig was soon afterwards being raised in Georgia. There appreciation came to the forefront due to there ease and efficient conversion of feed to flesh. "if the king of the antebellum southern economy was cotton' then the title of the the queen must go to the pig" this is what Sam Bowers Hilliard wrote. It has even been said that "Hog's lard is the very oil that moves the machinery of life"

As much as you have heard me say that bacon doesn't belong on everything I am still a firm steward of the hog. The meat, and what can be done with the animal is great, and really melts like butter in your mouth, actually better, cause pork fat actually melts at a tempature that is low than what is in your mouth hence why it has the taste of smooth velvet.

During my 300 mile eating habit i will be porking out some menus, well cause that is what is around here so why not, plus all hail the hog!
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And I would walk 300 miles...

2011-06-17T08:56:00.001-07:00

Which should we use? Organic or natural, local or organic, it is one of the soap boxes I will always stand on and spout my opinion on what I believe is true, and right.

Organic... A common compliant, and one of my own, is that organic foods are too expensive and the cost doesn't seem real. Most of us do not know how much we are already paying for the "inexpensive" conventional foods, and this is before we have even walked into a super market. But when I break it down on how much the "inexpensive" foods cost here is kind of what it looks like.

Agricultural fuel paid by our taxes, 22 billion
Direct farm bill subsidies for corn and wheat 3 billion
Treatment of food related illness 10 billion
Agriculture chemical clean up cost 17 billion
Collateral cost of pesticides use 8 billion
Cost of nutrients lost to erosion 20 billion
Equals to about 80 BILLION

80 billion equals to about $725 per household each year. That sticker price buys our "inexpensive" foods.

But why organic then? Organic practices build rather than destroy or deplete the soil by using manure and cover crops. They don't use pesticides and herbicides, instead using biological pest controls and a little old fashion weed pulling here and there. Have a bevy of different crops, and manage and rotate them from year to year.

But organic doesn't rally jive with me as well all the time. What does blow my skirt up is local. Knowing where the farm is, what he grows having that ability to see the stock and the vine. To have a relationship how food is raised and grown.

We as a society are fast to mock and belittle people who need a hand out or help, but these same people are buying products from farmers in far away countries. Knowing or not maybe even not knowing that there'd is a farmer who grows corn tomatoes less than 50 miles from you. Buying local is key to helping us all during this time of economic hardship. Crud oil is expensive, so we are going to pay more for vegetables that are flown and have jet lag? Or maybe spend an extra moment and find a tomato in season, give the farmer the money in his hand personally, and in return he will buy locally, sell to a local restaurant, or eat at one

Here is my challenge for the rest of the month I am going to eat only what is around me, from farms with in 300 miles of me. Helping a bit at a time to stimulate the local economy, reduce my carbon foot print, and eat really good food grown locally!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

the morning after

2011-05-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

One of the best things you can do is make breakfast for that special someone the morning after, I mean you were a complete gentleman slept on the couch now try to win her over by making her breakfast, one that is super simple and make you look... well like ME!

I think "Absolut" Genius is the right term to be coined for coming up with this! no not breakfast the morning after i stole that from some schmaltzy romantic comedy i was forced to watch once.... this recipe is super simple, and great. No i mean Really, i would put out for myself this recipe is that great!

FAUX FRENCH TOAST
1 loaf of Brioche,
if in Seattle get Macrina Bakeries, get it the day before, and what ever you do SLICE IT BY HAND! thick!
1 Peach, ripe, pitted and and cut into wedges
8 Strawberries, tops off and quartered
1 lime, zest only needed, use a microplane zester if you have one!
1 teaspoon, Sugar
2 pats butter, Soften, really good butter, I like President Salted for this occasion
5 Tablespoons Strawberry Jam, or preserve, if you can find it Strawberry-Rhubarb

Directions:
Slice 2 slices of bread about 3/4 inch thick or just as wide as will fit into your Toaster then place it in the toaster, and Toast the bread (i told you this was going to be easy), i like it a bit on the darker side. While that is being toasted in a bowl, toss Sugar, fruit, and micro planed zest of that lime all together let sit for a min while waiting on that slow toaster( if you have a bit of vodka, or rum throw a splash in, hair of the dog!) Once the bread has finshed up butter it and put the jam on it then place that wonderful fruit salad on it and serve it!

There you go let me know how this goes!

Humble Pie...

2011-05-22T11:30:00.000-07:00

Moving back home has been a humbling experience to say the least. A lot gets processed in a matter of minutes on a daily basis. Running into old flames and friends is a constant as well as having to tell my "story" over and over again can get a bit tiresome. But I am home, the place that i grew up and that helped mold and form me into who I am today.

One thing about being home is i get to partake in a lot of the traditions that i missed out on while traveling and begin else where. a lot of my family traditions revolve around the table, and that is what i am getting back to, what is on our table. What are we eating? are we really going to be concerned with how we wear our pants but not what we put in out body ( Florida State house of Reps just passed a new law saying sagging pants are no longer allowed, but the will let kids eat empty calories and processed foods for lunch). we need to know what we are eating and where it comes from.

I have been very lucky, i have traveled and seen the world. When i travel on airplanes i often indulge in trashy magazines. Nothing makes time fly as impractical fashion advice, first date stories, and of course the always diet do's and dont's. What you should eat to melt the fat away,and have more energy. There was an article on DANGER FOODS, hazards of hidden calories. I felt as i was reading this article i was about to loose sleep for the smoothie i was drinking, made of all fresh fruit and yogurt, had 800 calories in it. Are we really afraid of stuff that is here to sustain life? knowing where our food comes from? Yes we are! We are a culture of TV dinners and neon blue Jello. As far removed as most of us are from the growing and preparing of food, it make sense that food is seen as the enemy. It is very natural to fear the unknown.

The first step towards valuing and trusting food is... well... eating food, and eating food that has some integrity. People who hold their traditions of food preparations and presentation in high regard don't tend to bargain shop for cheap calories. Associating food with emotional comfort can lead to a life of scary habits and pitfalls, if the training ground is a candy bar for good grades, and a sucker for bravery during a booster shot. But there are other ways to go. Some of my happiest memories involve making and eating elaborate meals for special occasions. Food turns events into celebrations. It's just not about the food, but the experience of creating and consuming it. People need families, friends and communities for this kind of experience. Kids need parents, or some kind of guide, to lead them toward the food routines our bodies need. Just knowing the process of food production generates both respect and a great sense of clam about the whole idea of dinner.

Fall is here

2009-10-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

Summer is full of being way to busy and not enough time to truly enjoy the splendor of the season, but with the changing into Fall, and the color of leaves i think we all tend to slow down a little and take advantage of the last bit of the growing season. the Picking of stone fruits and wandering through pumpkin patches.

Fall is a great time of year, my favorite, that the smells, taste, and colors are so evident and unmistakable. It is a true time to lay in bed a few min longer and hopefully you can train a pet to bring you the paper, or a loved one, that you and a warm pair of socks can curl up to latest news and a cup of joe.

It took me a while, but I finally whipped up a batch of apple muffins–and were they ever worth the wait. They were so delicious. To me, these muffins taste like fall; the whole wheat gives them an almost savory taste, and serves as the perfect compliment to the sweet tart flavor of the apples. Even better is these muffins with great yellow butter!

Here’s my recipe:
Apple Spice Muffins
Add the following ingredients together in a bowl: -1 1/3 cup all-purpose whole wheat flour-2 teaspoons baking powder-1/2 teaspoon baking soda-1/4 cup of sugar-1/4 teaspoon salt-2 teaspoons cinnamon-1 teaspoon Jamaican allspice-1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
Then, add the following together in a separate bowl and mix well:-5 tablespoons butter, melted then cooled-1/2 cup plain low-fat yogurt-1/4 cup low-fat or skim milk-1 egg-1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Once you’ve combined the wet ingredients, fold them into the dry mix. Don’t over-mix or your muffins will be flat. When you’re done, add in: -Two large apples, minus the core, cut into small cubes. Any type will do; I used Honey Crisp Apples!
Spoon the mixture into a 12-muffin pan lined with baking cups, then bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.

i hope you love these as much as i did!

Summer is over...

2009-09-15T15:43:00.001-07:00

A year has passed since I got off the plane from Rome. I remember the day quite clearly as I was standing in front of SAFECO field with my huge bags on the corner waiting for someone to pick me up. It was kind of like a scene from Coming to America – except I’m not nearly as funny as Eddie Murphy. I was excited with the new possibilities of what Seattle would have to offer. A chance to start anew – see what the West Coast was all about.

Since then there has been a few ups and downs – a new restaurant, critics, smiles and a lot of good food. I have fallen in love with what the city and region has to offer a chef. We’re in the final days of summer now and I could not be more excited. No really, I do hate summer, and since I’m not native to this area I feel I can say this without people getting too angry over my love of all things cooler. I would much rather be cold than hot and bundled in sweaters, but I DO love summer for its abundance in the flavorful things that come from the earth. The abundance is almost at the point of excess – tomato plants over grown and leggy, doubled over and weighty with loads of fruit, previously plump berries now shriveled on their canes, and once-tender lettuce shoots now going to seed.

Summer is great, I will not deny that, but with the advent of Fall I am as excited as a kid on the first day of school. Fall brings a new kind of cooking, one that takes time and a bit more finesse. A finesse that will take a pork cheek paired with young root vegetables to remind you that things under the earth are just as great as things that grow above. That a slow braise is just as sexy as manning the grill with a tall boy. Fall brings hot days and cool night, hay rides and huge feasts, nights warmed up to a loved one while watching a movie or the stars. I am super excited for fall and you’ll see a few recipes and a menu that will reflect that.

Bachelor in the kitchen

2009-09-03T05:46:00.001-07:00

Just a quick note follow my other blog

www.bachelorinthekitchen.blogspot.com

More post to come! I am heading to FL today for a reunion, see my family, and cook tonight at Joey Tomato's.

Brian

PETA

2009-08-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

So as a kid i loved my Veggies, and still today I love my Veggies, but after reading this BLOG about peta makes me want to eat as much meat as i can in one sitting, then for the next meal try to top it just in spite of PETA. First you try and sue Pike Place Market for throwing a salmon around! And now you are Scaring Kids, GET A LIFE PETA!

From http://www.eat/ ME DAILY.com

Yesterday at a McDonald's in Albany, NY, PETA terrified children by handing out "Unhappy Meals." Inside the box: a bloodied rubber chicken, a packet of ketchup blood, a "McCruelty" t-shirt wrapped up in a blood-splattered chicken sandwich box, and a cardboard cutout of a knife-wielding Ronald McDonald.
One of the customers who brought her son to McDonald's for lunch said, "I don't want my son to be around something like this. This is not fair for a child," reported Fox 23 News.

As part of their McCruelty campaign, PETA pulled the same shit in New Haven in June and Atlantic City in July, and they're doing it again tomorrow in South Burlington, Vermont.
Trying to rationalize it, the organization said in a press release: "If kids knew how unhappy the chickens who are killed for Happy Meals really are, they'd lose their lunch."

PETA's attention-grabbing stunts are sometimes smartly-executed parodies (see the "rejected" Super Bowl ad or the gory Cooking Mama-knockoff flash game as examples), but is it really necessary to emotionally abuse kids and give them nightmares all in the name of improving animal welfare?

I Swear if i see this in the streets of Seattle i will really give them a taste of my east coast advantage here, almost like the time my brother was sober in New Orleans, wearing a popes hat debating the finer points of Pro Life VS Pro Choice, and Flashing for beads Against the Right wing Christians in the middle of Bourbon Street at Mardis Gras.... He won that battle!

But in all honesty i understand that there is cruelity to animals, but this is just cruel to childern, a scare tatic that is only going to come back to bite PETA in the rear.

I SCREAM!

2009-08-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

I Love Tom Douglas, a great chef, nice guy, and very welcomed me with as the new chef in town! But more than Tom i love ICE CREAM and it is summer so you all should get involved with this event!

Ice Cream Social at the Palace Ballroom Tues. August 11th 5-7:30pm
We're bringing the county fair to downtown Seattle! A festive ice cream tasting event featuring 6 local artisan vendors. Come enjoy games, snacks, and of course, frozen treats!

Tickets must be purchased in advance and can be bought by contacting Christy at (206)448.2001 or by email at christinal@tomdouglas.com
Tickets are $20 for ages 13 and up and $10 for people 12 and under.

Local Brunch

2009-08-04T11:50:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I had a potluck brunch for a bunch of friends and I set them the challenge of bringing only local food. We thought it would be fun to give people a taste of the No Impact experiment since stage two of No Impact Man is sustainable eating, which means, in the extreme case of our project, we eat only food including ingredients produced within 250 miles. (And by the way, the cows that the butter came from was from Vashon island, which i am wondering how I can not get my hands on this sweet cream... butter!) The brunch was great. I didn't realize, because I am a converted take out/ delivery/ frozen food king, yes I know I am a chef, but hey I am tiredon days off, and nights after workd and there are HOOOOOT POCKETS in my freezer!, but cooking for each other is really a romantic and lovely way of coming together. Everybody had a story about why they chose, say, local honey for their pie instead of further-away maple syrup or how happy they were to find pears instead of apples. Bear in mind, that eating local at the time was hard, it was winter. But the challenge made for conversation and it was a blast.
Anyway, we were too busy having fun to discuss the logic of eating local, and there are lots of reasons: "food-miles," "transparency," protecting local farm land, and on and on. I'll post more about the reasons later. But for now, I thought I'd offer a few concluding paragraphs from John Cloud's recent article in Time, "Eating Better Than Organic":

...I had arrived at an answer to my question: I prefer local to organic, even with the concessions local farmers must make. I realize there's something romantic about the desire to know exactly where your food is from...

...But when it comes to my basic ingredients--literally, my "whole" foods rather than my convenience foods--I would still rather know the person who collects my eggs or grows my lettuce or picks my apples than buy 100% organic eggs or lettuce or apples from an anonymous megafarm at the supermarket. Choosing local when I can makes me feel more rooted, and (in part because of that feeling, no doubt) local food tastes better.

Eating locally also seems safer. Ted's neighbors and customers can see how he farms. That transparency doesn't exist with, say, spinach bagged by a distant agribusiness. I help keep Ted in business, and he helps keep me fed--and the elegance and sustainability of that exchange make more sense to me than gambling on faceless producers who stamp organic on a package thousands of miles from my home...

Eating local had never really played a big part in my culinary life until I moved to Seattle. Yes i have enjoyed the local peach from time to time, frolicking for strawberries in Vermont on hot summer days, but now it really is the only way I think, Local is better, better than organic! There i said it!

COST OF LIVING

2009-07-30T10:34:00.000-07:00

Farmer Joe was part of a local food web in the upper Midwest, selling at a farmers market, through a CSA (community-supported agriculture), and to co-op stores in the Twin Cities. But the partners, Jack and Jill, who began in 1995, were having a tough time economically and realized they would have to boost sales if they were to become viable. The farm earned about $22,000 a year -- split between the two partners -- so they had to take on debt to keep going; this, after 60- to 70-hour workweeks.

Speaking with the farmers, he made some calls and eventually landed a deal with Whole Foods to supply the natural-foods chain with organic heirloom tomatoes. When I visited, they were in year two of the contract, picking the tomatoes before their peak ripeness, then shipping them to Chicago for stores in the Midwest. The deal had become the biggest sales channel for their farm; while still "local," they were not as local as when they sold in their backyard.

There was a lesson here, one that often gets lost in the debate about which is better, local or organic? Too often this is understood as a zero-sum game -- that the money you spend on organic food at the supermarket will mean less for local farmers. After all, the food you buy is being shipped from who knows where and then often ends up in a processed food product. I've heard the argument that if all the money spent on organic food (around $14 billion) were actually channeled to local food, then a lot more small farms would survive and local food networks could expand. Well, Featherstone was doing precisely the opposite: it had entered the organic wholesale marketplace and then sent its tomatoes hundreds of miles away to survive as a small and, yes, local farm.

How we shop. Venues like Whole Foods are not fully organic because people are often unwilling to spend more than a small portion of their grocery budget on organic foods. It's too expensive. This is one reason why organic food accounts for just 2 percent of food sales -- 1 percent if you include eating out. Similarly, local foods, though important, total 1 to 2 percent. So arguing over local or organic is a bit like two people in a room of 100 fighting over who has the more righteous alternative to what the other 98 people are doing. It doesn't really matter, because the bigger issue is swaying the majority.
When I shop, visiting the Dupont Circle farmers' market, when living in DC, on Sunday morning, or going to Fremont Market here in Seattle, and then going to the supermarket, I make choices too. I buy local, organic, and conventional foods too, because each meets a need. Is the local product better than the organic one? No. Both are good choices because they move the food market in a small way. In choosing them, I can insert my values into an equation that for too long has been determined only by volume, convenience, and price. While I have nothing against low prices and convenient shopping, the blind pursuit of these two values can wreak a lot of damage -- damage that we ultimately pay for in water pollution, toxic pesticide exposure, unhealthy livestock, the quality of food, and the loss of small farms. The total bill may not show up at the cash register, but it's one we pay nonetheless.
So what's my advice? Think about what you're buying. If you want local food, buy local. If you want organic, buy organic. The point is to make a conscious choice, because as we insert our values into the market, businesses respond and things change. There's power in what we do collectively, so is there any reason to limit it unnecessarily?

Bellow is some emails i have been having with people about the Local V Organic... and even being a meat eater!

It has to start somewhere
Local and organic are often not mutually exclusive. Farmer's markets here often sell what's at least claimed to be organic produce, and the PCC co-ops do their best to provide items that are both local and organic.
As for cost - I don't shop for food by cost. Any price differential between conventional and organic food is going to be dwarfed by other expenses and decisions - and of course how do we measure the cost of eating heavy metals and pesticides?
If you truly care about "better food", why do you mistake animals for it? If you abuse your body with corpses it's not designed to digest, the benefits of conventional vs. organic are moot.

We're omnivores
With all due respect, human physiology proves you to be mistaken when you claim we're not "designed to digest" animals. We are neither herbivores nor carnivores, but omnivores, with teeth, saliva, stomachs, intestines--an entire digestive system--capable of extracting the nutrients we need from both plants and animals. That's one of the fascinating features of human beings that distinguishes us from many other species: our capacity to digest an enormous range of foods, including other animals. This extravagant omnivorousness is one of the features which has enabled us to spread throughout the world, into most kinds of ecosystems, for good and ill.
The anthropological evidence isn't in your favor, either. As European conquerors marched around the world, they found people eating widely varied diets, but they found only a small number of people eating vegetarian diets and a number of cultures in high latitude climates eating an essentially a carnivorous diet and, apparently, thriving. Even among the people of the land we now know as India, the percentage of true vegetarians is much lower than commonly assumed. Now, if we were truly not "designed to digest" animals, why would the eating of animals be nearly universal among the thousands of human cultures that have existed?

Even if it is more expensive, so what?
Americans spend far less on their food than any other country in percentage of income. Maybe instead of buying that extra TV you could just buy better food.
Although I do follow the rule of local first, local Organice second, non-local organic third. But then I'm actually lucky enough to live in a state where local organic is cheaper and available even in meats as long as I'm willing to invest in a CSA or buy 1/4 of a cow.

Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?
Speaking of false choices...Fromartz places these two trends in oppostion to each other, as if local and organic were somehow mutually exclusive. But this is not really the case, at least not in most regions. Depending on where you live, there's usually an abundance of locally grown organic produce...even throughout the winter. All in all, given this, his very trendy argument of local v. organic is mostly one of false tension.

Hogs in the guest room

2009-07-06T07:26:00.001-07:00

Sure, I know people with 40 acres and a mule( a donkey actually), or a beautiful 13 acres and the best jersery cows ever. But how cam someone like me participate in the spirit of growing things, when my apartment is close to the highway and other people's windows? Shall I raise a hog in my spare bedroom?

How big is that spare bedroom? Ha ha. But even for people who live in urban areas, directly contributing to local food economies isn't out of the question. Container gardening on porches, balconies, back steps, or even a sunny window can yeild a suprising amount of sprouts, herbs, and even produce. Just a few tomato plants in big flower pots can be suprisingly productive.

There are a few new projects that I am supporting. Most urban areas host community gardens, using various organizational protocols, a lot of them that have been pratice in European cites have taken root here. So find your self a community-supported agriculture(CSA) rent some space and join in the spirit of local growing.

Animal, vegetable, miracle...

2009-07-06T07:11:00.001-07:00

As I am standing in the produce section of PCC, scrutinizing the assortment of apples, and I'm wondering, is it really worth it to spend the extra money on organic apples? On one side of me sit the waxy, shiny, conventionally grown Gala apples, and on the other side I see the dull, speckled, organically grown copies. Both are packed with vitamins, minerals and fiber, and both are free of fat and sodium. So what's the difference?

Organic farming methods involve growing and producing agricultural products without the use of chemical fertilizers or other harmful agents. Rather than using chemical weed killers that could harm soil, water and nearby wildlife, organic farmers may spread mulch or manure. They also use special tools in order to weed.

Organic food is the fastest growing sector of the American food marketplace, available in more than 20,000 natural food stores and more than 73% of "normal" grocery stores. Amid growing concerns for the environment, it is no wonder that more and more people are choosing the organic route.

I, however, do not make a special effort to buy organic foods at the grocery store. Obviously, I am know of the pesticides used to produce conventionally-grown foods and the harmful effects that they have on the environment, but I'm not about to bend over backward to buy something just because it's organic. As popular as organic foods are these days, you may not be much worse off just sticking to the conventionally grown foods.

First of all, organic food is more expensive. For some people, paying the extra money may be a worthwhile sacrifice, but for me, it's a hassle I'd rather not make a habit. The main reasons for the sky-high prices are expensive farming practices, tighter government regulations and lower crop yields. Organic food growers simply can't produce the mass quantities of food at an affordable price like the conventional growers can. Organic farmers do not use pesticides, but the alternatives are very costly. They must purchase and maintain management tools in order to control weeds and pests. Because traditional weeding is a much more labor-intensive process than dousing the land with chemicals, it is more costly - a difference that is reflected in prices at the grocery store.

Secondly, organic farmers take more credit for being environmentally friendly than they deserve. It is true that organic farms do not consume or release synthetic pesticides into the environment and they also produce less waste per unit of yield; however, we also need to take into consideration the fact that the increased land needed to farm organic food could potentially harm the rainforests and wipe out even more ecosystems.

Another questionable aspect of organic foods is nutrition. Just because food is organic does not mean it's any better for you. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, these products are neither safer nor more nutritious. If you're eating organic foods purely for health reasons, then perhaps you should reconsider.

The best way to go if you do not want to pestisides and want to eat better go with SEASONAL and LOCAL... You will reduce you carbon foot-print, support local farmers, reduce emmisions and just eat things that are ment to be eaten at that time of the year, resulting in a more healthy living situation.

The highest function....

2009-06-21T11:23:00.001-07:00

The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being. The differnace between love and logic is that in the eyes of the lover, a toadcan be a prince, whereas in the analysis of a logistician, the lover would have to prove that the toad was a prince, and enterprise destined to dull the shine of many a passion.

Logic limits love, which may be why Descartes never married. Descartes are the architest of the of reason. But reason doesn't always stop lovers and for that matter chefs either. I as a chef as faced with what I want to do and what will the masses love!

The turning of something that is less appealing, a toad, into a prince is not always as easy as it may seem. I have put everyhing from pork cheeks, beef cheeks, pig totters on my menu, all have been great dishes, but also all have been hard sells as well. As with love consistency is the key, to sell these cuts that are often seen as toads. Also a lot of these dishes need a little bit more pampering, patience and a just re ability to take it slow. Be around and when the right combo of a great salesman, sense of adventure, dumb luck, and out right trusting in human nature/ ability of the chef, even descartes will toss reason out the window and eat to soothe there soul and not just for nurishment.

The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being. Still, lovers quarrel. Frequently, they quarrel simply to recharge the air between them, to sharpen the aliveness of their relationship. To precipitate such a quarrel, the sweaty kimono of there sexual jealousy is usually dragged out of the hamper, although almost any excuse will do. Only rarely is the spat rooted in the beet-deep soil of a serious issue, but when it is, a special sadness attends it, for the mind is slower to heal thanthe heart, such quarrels can doom a union, even one that has prospered for a very long time.

Love for certian products such as foie gras, lobster, spotted owl, sea bass all bring up quarrels between chefs and the community. The bounty that this great earth has to offer sometimes is not met by the close minded of chefs and cooks. I have always prided myself on the ability to be able to take simple ingridenta and transform them into dishes that are ones to be remembered, and not bring up spats, rants, and a political debate at my door step.

Being able to take food stuff and makes other jealous of my ability is what I enjoy doing. But I have to at times put dishes on my me u that will excite the air, bring a conversation to the table. Just to keep it alive! To keep you comming back for more.

Simplicity...

2009-06-17T23:51:00.001-07:00

Simplicity is the hardest thing to come by! Espically when you are faced with so many options thatcan lead you down the road of "let it ride, let it roll, let it go" with a constant want to try to make everything I do the best, I sometimes get lost and forget that I just need to do what needs to be done.

Planning the summer menu I have taken the approach that less is more. That maybe me not being around Is a lot better than me being present. That the best way that I can take the lead is not be a supporting roll but just to disappear and let the food do what it needs to do. That if it it needs my help it will ask, but it never will, we as chefs really need to understand that we are truley a side note.

It is hard to step back and to take a second fiddle roll in the band. But when you really let the ingridenta speak for them selves and just be it is truley an amazing feet. To remember to "let go, there is more." A phrase I onced lived by and one of my favorite priest taught me but has been forgotten.

Simplicity is reached by having what you have always wanted but then letting go and just letting that thing do it's magic! Good bye..........

Decadance

2009-06-08T23:54:00.001-07:00

" Decadance is a difficult word to use since it has become little more than a term of abuse applied by critics to anything they do not understand or which seems to differ from there moral concepts" - Hemingway

Hear in Seattle I have been told that I live a decadant life style. That I am very "east coast" or "New York" really? I don't get it ... I was always told while on the other coast/ eastside that I was easy going, hmmm wonder what the mid west would consider me as!

Working in a restaurant, but more so a kithen, you have to have a thick skin I mean a really thick skin. Crass humor, brash statements, heat of the moment drama and the constant of being under the microscope by guest, critics, yelpers, owners, wait staff really can have a chef on edge.

I think I can speak for 75% of all chefs and cooks when I say that we, chefs, don't hold grudges. In the heat of the battle things are said, snide remarks are made, but hell your probably deserve it, cause you just rang in six tables all at onces and just realized one was miss ordered and you want your food faster! WTF why would we get mad?

Hear on the west coast, we should hold hands maybe have an intervention, or a 12 step program and hug it out before someone actually says what is on there mind. That does not and will not work in the kitchen! I need to get things off my chest, Hot pans, quick decisions have to be made, the differnce between medium and not fit to be served is not found in a 12 step program, but with in a matter of seconds, passive aggressive-ness doesn't work! Just as it would not work if your child was trying to stick a fork into a power outlet!

"let go there is more" don't hold back! If you have something to say say it to me! Don't be moody and pissy with me cause I have confronted you and asked what is wrong, but say nothing to me but air your laundry and bitterness to the rest of the world! Cause they way most chefs work we get it off our chest say what needs to be said, then by the time we see you,running through the kitchen it is all forgoten and we are ready to throw a few beers back and exchange jokes after service.

I am not decadant! Just misunderstood like most chefs... And to steal a quote from the Seattle Weekly "People In Seattle I my have two emotions self rightoueness and libreal guilt!" so come on and heckel someone Safeco Field, dont just walk out of the stadium cause we are in a rut!

Finding your Voice.....

2009-06-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

There is a voice inside you that whispers all day long…
“I feel that this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong”
No Teacher, Preacher, Parent, Friend
or Wise Man can decide
What’s right for you- Just listen
To the voice that speaks inside
-Shel Silverstein

We all have it, that voice, hearing it may seem hard cause you may have it on mute, but that desire that resides inside of you is there, and in me it is what drives me. As Chef we have this voice, this inner person that speaks to use. Sometimes it is a summer squash or a beautiful filet of fish, that the voice is hiding itself as but it is speaking to us and most will never understand what goes through a mind of a chef, just as I will never know how a Doctor thinks, but we do have a translator, a babblefish that helps us find our voice, or helps the guest understand our voice, the menu, the dish you are eating is a pure translation of what we think and how we even sometimes view the world.

Menus and Seasons change, things come and go, but you remain you were when the year started. Yes a lot more laughs have come my way, a tear or two and maybe even a loss. I have learned I can not control every situation only the way I react to them. I honestly think that we remain the same person, through out life. I am the same as I was 6 months ago, when I opened Cantinetta. Yes I have evolved, my tastes have evolved but crassness, bluntness has not, my approach to food has not changed I still revel in simplicity. Take for example I would not eat an oyster or grapefruit to save my life before moving to Seattle. Now two things on my menu are these things and I love them. I have evolved.

Last week a customer and I were having conversation about a few menu items, asking my inspiration, and where it comes from, what brought about these dishes. From my mother to loved ones past present and future, my kitchen staff and a good nap are all muses to me. Then I was asked the dreaded question what is my favorite meal. And though my tastes have evolved and I like new foods it is still a roasted chicken. I can not get enough of this simple little bird, perfectly roasted. May it be eaten during the 4th of July weekend after getting soaked to the bone in the rain, or with a loved on in a quiet Bistro while visiting “the city beneath the sea,” this dish is one that hits my soul and I hold near to me, as I do the ones I have shared this meal with.

I am reminded that though my taste change and things I will always love. I always remember the one liners, and sage dating advice, my father gives me. “don’t bring a hamburger to a banquet…” But the one that always remains true is “you can’t go back home” in the meaning that we leave for a reason, I know I cant go back and work in NW FL cause there is nothing for me, though that is my home… relationships crumble and we do evolve in a sense, but when we try to go back home it is not always what we remember, or hope to be, or it is exactly what we remember and why we left! We must listen to the voice that speaks to us, and also to the others around us. Keep the ones who love and support you close, and remember that also not all voices inside should be translated! Hell I will never try blue cheese cheesecake again! YUCK…

.... at my table

2009-03-20T08:14:00.000-07:00

as i step out of my door at 7am for my normal trek to work (2 blocks) i recall that it is spring today, the lamb of march has arrived?Spring is an inspiration for me, as well as loved ones, music and large tables, a time to let go really see what is new and happening. Seattle is bright and teaming with such great talent and projects that just get the blood flowing in my veins, and makes me want to show of this craft that i have worked so hard at.

songs for eating and drinking... a concept that promotes amateur-ism, bring friends, food, large tables and there craft all together in a meaningful way.

"Get a bunch of insanely talented musicians together, and let them share songs, food, and drink. Many a musical career starts with small audiences, impromptu performances, late night mutterings; and then the lucky end up on large stages and tucked deep inside recording studios - often vastly disconnected from those that love their music. Our friends in the music industry have bellyached that industry folk hardly ever share food in a meaningful way – or rarely just get together and f’in chill. So we decided to create these evenings for our musician friends built around long tables, remarkable locations, sturdy drinking food, and bottles of wine and whiskey – with the hope that throughout each night songs would rise up from the table. Many a musical career starts with small audiences, impromptu performances, and late night mutterings.

This project is a collaboration between table guru Michael Hebb, and renowned photographer/director Chase Jarvis. Hatched from Hebb’s underground one-pot dinners, and documented with Jarvis’ unmistakable eye."

After hearing about this project it really embodies my own personal philosophy of cooking, it is about the table, the company, the evoking of memories, the one dish that reminds you of times fleeting, or the other dish that brings you back to reality. This craft that i have worked so hard on, the days in and days out, all brings me to one thing, the table, and who we share our dinner and drinks with!

Early March MADNESS!

2009-03-14T13:31:00.000-07:00

This week has been good, we are busy, and I thank God that we are doing something right these days and that we are not slow! New Menu in play and customers walk out happy and satisfied. Yesterday i was called a true Artist, and for some odd reason this stuck with me and kind of made me think.... and artist, Really? Also I have had to do some ego stroking to get some work done...

There is a common misconception that cooking is an art. all visionary genius and leaps of creative faith. in the best chefs, that certainly plays part- the ability to conjure up a defining dish must come from within, but at its hear, cooking is a craft, one learned through repetition and following an established set of culinary guidelines. It is really only once that these principles are fully understood and mastered that a chef can move on to a higher plane.

The Super star status that come chefs have been catapulted into has been very helpful for the industry, and hurtful as well. Cooks today feel that they can come out of culinary school after and are star chefs. When I was first coming into the industry there is a lot less STROKING of egos as there is today. The work ethic of the cooks, is almost hilarious. I think back to my line-cook years at Criolla's. If you didn’t perform, you were booted out. And now it’s the opposite. All these young people think they’re gonna be Thomas Keller or Gordon Ramsey and it’s just like you haven’t even cooked for two years yet. Shit, you almost have to massage their feet after service every day so they stay and do there job, COOK. They don’t realize you need to learn to cook before you can be a chef.

As i have said my transformation from cook to chef did not happen over night, hell the transition is still happening as well, daily, if a cook sends out a dish that they are not 1oo% happy with the you might as well go home, GAME OVER! you don't have time to get it right the next time, cause you are really only as good as your last plate, and who knows what plate will be your last!

Making Cents out of it.....

2009-03-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

Take a look at this interview with my favorite restaurant in DC A Family Surving....

The cost of day to day business is underestimated by the public. I don’t think people understand the margins that we all work in — it’s pennies, for God’s sake. Especially for high-end places like French Laundry or even Le Cirque. They are not nor are we making a killing. we are making two cents on a dollar. It’s unbelievable, the misconception that the general public has, that we’re raping and pillaging and making all this money.

Forget for a second the food and wine. Just take a simple task of washing dishes. Every time we run the dish washer it cost us 7 cents just for the machine, then tack on another 4 cents for chemicals and since the machine takes almost 2 mins for a cycle I have to pay someone to wash the dishes, which is another 17 cents a min... So if my math is right, 45 cents every time the dishwasher is ran! We run the dish machine about 125 times a day equal to $56.25 a day, $20,531.25 a YEAR! That is just the dish machine, i have not even begun to talk about utilities, taxes, garbage, repairs, etc etc etc, the list can go on for days!

Now i knew all this going into business, and that is the cost of dong what I love. In this Economic crisis we are in we are faced to buck up, look at prices again, and see what I can do as a chef to tighten the regins a little, cut cost so I get the most out of my shiny little penny.

But I think that the most dramatic thing happening right now is that the media are pulling people into a depression rather than the recession. Why? When you take this month’s Bon Appétit, Gourmet, Food & Wine, it’s all about cook at home, cook cheap, buy cheap, stay at home, don’t go out. THANKS A LOT... We love you. I just hope that next month i will see ‘Let’s go out, here’s a sandwich that’s a great bargain.’ People don’t understand that trying to cook at home, unless you know what you’re doing, is going to cost you more money or you’re not going to eat poorly.

But what is surrving in today's market? There’s this new, very opulent place in downtown Seattle I saw online and talking with the other owners of Cantinetta we all came to say at once... “How on earth will that place ever make it?” For one, it’s got 200-something seats, which is very difficult in this time. Second, it’s very opulent,and over the top, which is not really what’s happening right now. And the food, I’m sure it’s very good, but I wouldn’t call it recession comfort food. So that’s a lot of things going against one space! Any restaurant that is over 150 seats today, I would think would have a hard time surviving. Defiantly a restaurant with an attitude, it’s not going to survive. Because all of the guys who used to go into restaurants with attitudes, which cost a lot of money, those guys don’t have money. They’have been laid off all along Main Street and Wall Street.

What i love and see is growing very strong in today's market is small neighborhood places, places like Sorisso in Washington, DC's Cleavland Park, Cantinetta here in Seattle, Joey Tomato's in Niceville. Not big opulent treasures or over price sushi places. Places where the whole restaurant heart and soul is here to make sure your memories and love the experience is taken care of, and not just three guys behind a counter cutting fish, for 200 dollars!

The corporate MOMster fault?

2009-03-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

Secrets....

2009-03-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

In cooking, as in love, you have to try new things to keep it interesting. To me, not to explore all the possibilies on what a carrot can offer you is just like have a toolbox with a screwdriver that you can only turn one way. You might think i am being like a child on christmas day and ask, "What could possibly be new and delightful about carrots, onions, potatos, or chicken?"

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW... that is that challenge and the pleasure of creating in the kitchen. My ideas right now is to take tried-and-true ingridents, flavor combinations, and presenting them in ways that are new and differnt, but never difficult. You don't need a full kitchen brigade and a ton of fancy equipment to make recipes that are dreamy.

Even the most humble and common ingridents, are wodners of nature. I would even go and be as hokey and say they are ( or were) miracles. Like trying to get to know someone new in your life ingridents can be very complex. and i try to ask every ingrident, "what don't i know about you? What secrects are you keeping about yoruself? What can you do to make me even more happier than you already do?" Espicaly if i am waking up next to you, and fall for you a little bit more day by day.

There are many indispensable cooks and chefs that make classic recipes, and have been doing the same thing for years. I love these guys and gals, and have learned a lot from them. But in Cooking as in everything, I belive that variety is the spice of life. You could wear the same little Black Dress and or Jeans everyday, but wouldn't it get boring? I thikn the same way about food. If i have to cook the same thing over and over again i get bored, stale, and just loose my excitement. I love trying new things, keeping it fresh, new combinations.

But dont worry, not all my experiments work, but when you come to Cantinetta i like to think that everything on the menu are homeruns, you just may not understand, or your cup of tea! just let me know and I am sure with the playfulness of both my menu and myself we can get a smile out of you before you leave the table!

bring it on back...

2009-03-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

Hangovers and a long work day are found quite often in restaurants, especially for my staff. In all the hustle and bustle of my life lately I have not had much time to go out, grab way to many drinks and regret it in the morning!

Oh but i remember those Thursday, that fateful night. Calling old co-workers from restaurants past and delving out the gossip and talking the trash were all part of a great evening that ended up in a Horrible Friday!

But as any good chef would do, and would expect the day when you are not feeling good is your busiest day. Lunch was brutal and was busy, cooking on the line and sweating it out with the cooks was a great way to flush the system. Then a quick down time in the office, trying to lay your head down on the desk only to be pounded by the ringing phone, so really by downtime I mean payroll, food cost, inventory, ordering, and dealing with vendors! Then back to the line to deal with a busy dinner service.

This is what is about, why I originally feel in love with this industry and the job I do. I am down and not feeling well but we suck it up for a few hours, pump out some great food, and then come home and CRASH! Wake up and do it all over again. The feeling of pride that you get when you cook great food, and your customers are raving about it, knowing all well that if you stay to long at that able talking to them they will notice that you may be swaggering! I feel this way a little today, cause it is bringing me to my roots, cooking on the line given it all I have to give and turning out a good product.

I try and lead a good example for my staff while at work. Even though I was sick I still conducted my day as normal, showed up on time, worked my station and did what had to be done. To many times I see “leaders” not able to feel there shoes or chef coats because they are letting a personal problems enter the kitchen. Though we are all human and it happens, in the kitchen are a place of solitude, my personal monastery, I can check the drama at the door, and concentrate on making a plate that will make a guest happy and me!

Time....

2009-03-07T12:23:00.000-08:00

Time is somthing i stuggle with on a day to day basis. It seems to fall into two sections, i dont have enough of it and i am struggling to get the 99 problems fixed with in the next 5 min before we open for service. OR i have to much and i am going stir crazy and forcing myself into work early to have 99 problems to fix and get done.

I normally start my day around 7:30/8:00 in the morning and go until 9:00/10:00 in the evening. Getting into the kitchen and seeing what is needed and what the day is going to bring, no matter how much mental prep you do before you walk into the door you are always thrown a few curve balls and will sure have to doge a few bullets to get through the DAY. Ordering, seeing what is what and figureing out the days menu is the first step. I normally start out with the larger projects such as roasting, brasing, and the slow cooking projects. When the staff arrives daily jobs are dished out and even more work begins. At this time i am normally kicked out of the kitchen cause of a space issue, and my roll comes to more of a conductor, and even porter, checking in orders, putting them away light cleaning, and running the numbers as well. Now once a clear look at what the vendors has brought in we can start to see what the menu will shape up to be. The sharpies come out, votes are casted and items are tweeked to see what is what and what will be on the plate in an hour or so.

Waitstaff arrives and then all hell seems to break loose, a jovial hell that is, kitchen is semi bitter but loves the hostest low cut blouse, waiters are hungry and are trying to con cooks out of anything they can get, but normaly get caught with there hand in the cookie jar ( or bread basket). The Floor gets dialed down ready for service, and then menu meeting, going over the whos, whats, whens, wheres and WHYS!

Service is busy and plates crash, pans are being tossed around, we in the ktichen are havinga great time, making crass jokes and then poof it is 9/10 pm and we are done for the evening, clean and go...

Time is my friend, just wish that there was more of it when you are working to get things done, less of it when your mind is raceing and just the right amount to keep you content! Never under estimate what it really takes to

Tonight we live as.... Chefs

2009-02-11T10:56:00.000-08:00

Whatever happens during a tough service, every mistake stays in the kitchen.
12:30 another day comes to an end, floors scrubbed stoves to be polished, "until you can see your own reflection, because that's the first thing that greets you when you start your day" it is when a kitchen becomes a dressing room, post game reflection...

Busy Tuesday nights, that involve wine dinners, a few large parties, two VIP's of the Chef, and a full bar eating, waiting and drinking, it feel like you just can not go fast enough. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The mountain of work in front of you really is a hill, and then one by one, ticket by ticket we please each guest, everyone gets fed and hopefully had a wonderful experience when they left.

The kitchen is the heart of the restaurant, and at the end of the night it does not change, the ending time is one for cleaning, a few crass jokes all in all It's a bonding time, come down from the adrenaline rush. We are open 6 days a week and we spend more time with each other than our family, what ever that was said in battle is put behind them.

Then is is lights off, bang, ready to do it all the next day!

one is the loneliest number.....

2009-02-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

I sometimes laugh and have a shit eating grin when i hear people talk that Cantinetta is the best Italian restaurant in Seattle. Oh don't get me wrong i love the praise and it is great to be recognized. But who can say what is the best? One of my best meals i have had to date is a Shish in Istanbul Turkey. It was last year and i was traveling all around the world with a small little cruise ship, we landed in Turkey and i was taken out in the midst of a billion Turkish men and given what looked to me to be a burrito, but oh no, this street vendor food was amazing. At that moment that was the Best thing i had ever put into my mouth. And who is to say that i am wrong? Perception is a powerful thing. Your best meal can be a 15 course meal at a 5 star restaurant in Spain, or a hot dog shared with someone special after a weekend retreat. The best meals are more about the moment than they are about the food.

being a Chef is a risk, it is a lot like wine... Romano Dal Forno said, after being asked how long lasting his wines were " how can i tell you that? Wines last as long as they last. it is a risk. Everything is a risk. When you open a bottle of wine it depends on everything... opened a bottle of premier cru Bordeaux at a picnic with my wife... i could smell the incredible essence. Tha aroma has remained with me to this day... Since then I've Drunk that same wine, same vintage and it has never been quite the same as it was at that picnic."

Once i read that his response stuck to me, and i can relate it to my cooking. You may like my Gnocchi with oxtail one night and hate it the next. I can not see into the future. I don't know under what circumstances you will be eating my food. I could serve you the best meal i have ever cooked, but you can just be in a horrible mood with the weight of the world on your mind and nothing will taste good.

If i do my job, it is a given that the food itself will be good. the real question is will you have a memorable evening? I pray you do, that is what i am here for. This is one reason why i don't cook at Cantietta, i try with the help of the team, try and create moments, moments that will make people say "hey, remember that meal five years ago... we laughed all night...that was Cantinetta, was it not?"

Good Friends, Good Food, Quality gets all"

That is the Italian way of cooking: a great meal shared with family and friends. It is what i learned when i really started cooking with my parents, and it is what i continue to learn every time i cook with my "Italian" family here in Seattle. Fresh ingredients, simple preparations, and a touch of refinement are some of the foundations of Italian cooking, BUT it is people who bring a great meal to life.

{photo: songs for eating and drinking by Chase Jarvis www.chasejarvis.com }

Second of the DAY....

2009-02-09T11:41:00.000-08:00

Chefs, Waiters, Host, Buss Boys normally get the crap end of the stick when it comes to work, but we wake up each morning and do it all over again. Why? Cause, “We are the Stewards of special moments in people’s lives” this is so true, many of my fond memories have food overtones! That special occasion or Birthday Dinner (April 12th for those who are wondering), Even the down trotted events such as funerals, and divorces are centered on food. It is all a great comfort; it warms the soul with a sense of compassion that is un rivaled.

Servers get most of the brunt of all the crap that people can dish out in a restaurant, but also get most of the joy, they get to bring out smiles, cheers, and libations! They get to see that first smile, one that is often followed bye a few oooo’s and ahhh’s. This is why they and we come back for more, though many times our job is very repetitive and stress full it is a different story everyday when you walk in, the nervous two top who is about to pop the question that needs a bit of support but not over the top service. The group of great friends who have been celebrating every birthday together since college, who loves all the attention, to the group of sad friends who just need drinks to get them through there night.

People dont think that we are people as well, we are here for you and that we love taking care of you... I know for a fact i will turn myself inside out for a customer to make sure they are happier when they leave. All that needs to be done is for you to tell us what you want, a dash of patience and just a bit of understanding!

A few Favorites....

2009-02-09T10:50:00.000-08:00

So it has been a busy week, and an even buiser one to come! Catching up on life in general has made me forget that I have a blog! The past few weeks have passed by like a fleeting romance, leaving me with a heavy heart, warmed soul, and smiles from ear to ear. I have tasted lots of foods and had some great meals in the past weeks but I want to talk about some of my favorite ingredients

Forest Jewels; Mushrooms are both delicate yet durable. IN one hand a fresh picked mushroom is like a flower that has been just picked, Fresh and wonderful but fading with time. And in the other hand no matter how long you cook a mushroom, it is still moist and perfect, which is both odd and wonderful. What I love about mushrooms is just by adding the word to your menu it makes it a bit more special and eye appealing, yet to many chefs add them haphazardly and forget to bring out their special, subtle, character flavor. They can be as smoothed as polished marbles, or me hitting on a beautiful woman in a bar! Maybe more like the marbles!

The Bad Comedian, Carrots are great, because it is gnarly, and pulled out of the ground often overlooked is the charm and delicacy of the carrot. It deepens the flavor of long cooked stews and braised meats. It is basic to sauces, making the subtly sweet and earthy. And this great vegetable works great in desserts. The juice of the carrot has the balance, delicacy, and tanginess. Like the kid in the school yard who nobody notices, the carrot plays the same role, but now this humble tuber acquired newfound respect, like me as I am becoming a Chef in the city. I also heard that this little comedian can help with night vision, thanks baby DR.

Mr Versatile... Potato, though as a kid i enjoyed his many faces, as a chef I enjoy him even more, being able to take this basic ingrident and transform it into many beautiful things, from the beautiful gnocchini to a potato gratin, but i am a fan of the crust on the gratin, this wonderful ingrident has fed both rich and poor, kept stew hearty and hamburger joints in buisness for decades.

The White Meat, Serve me a perfect chicken, which is not as easy as it sounds, and I will show you a great cook. To often chicken is bland, dry and forgotten about. But in today’s world of free range and organic chicken it is much more than just a normal yard bird from the years past. Why do I love this bird? The crispy skin? The moist flesh? Or maybe the way a whole chicken is a family, or communal meal, something for everyone? Or maybe because you don’t always need a fork and knife and it can be turned into the primal finger food. When I cook chicken or get see it on a menu it reminds me of many things, childhood dinners, and getting to eat cold chicken salad sandwiches the next day. All in al this bird is a great thing, which is often but on the back burner where it doesn’t belong.

Those are just a few of my favorites and why I hold them up in the light when often these ingredients are an after thought and or fillers. These can be great treasures for the chef if used and cooked the right way. Remember that you don't have to use the most expensive ingridents in the world to be a great chef, but with time patience and a bit of pressure you can even turn a lump of coal into a diamond..

Me 2.0

2009-02-05T13:43:00.000-08:00

As winter begins to dwindle to warmer days, and the sun shines giving us hope of warmer outings and longer lunches, we sometimes forget to see that we are already at a new season, actually one day into the season! Lent, for the next 40 days it will be a time a time of reflection. A time when you can try and better yourself, and when the season changes to spring and everything is new, you yourself can be new.

Most people try and give up something on Lent; this year I will close my eyes keep my mind wide open and think of a new way to better myself. I find all to often when giving something up for lent we forget that we are not supposed to say or show that we are tithing. “Give with your right hand but do not let your left hand know!” It does no good if the world knows you are trying to change, they will be expecting a new you in 40 days, instead, go quietly and make your changes and then come spring you will be new and rise again.

This time of year is also good to recreate myself or re vamp my cuisine, maybe not omit something but try something that will make it better, open my mind and find a new world that has always been there but not always seen. While this can be a time of struggle, in its dark time you can let you imagination run wild and see what you truly have to offer. Figure out that you are not to blame for the rough start on the year, and that you still have 10 more "seasons" ahead of you to come up with great cuisine that will wow your guest time and time again.

Lent, though filled with a time to think of what has been and what can be done, it is like a blank canvas, and open mind and heart that can be filled with joyous things to come… like good food… Great friends…

Salt, Salt, where is the effing salt...

2008-12-21T16:02:00.001-08:00

After a month in Seattle and taking a gander of what the "scene" is all about i have come to conclude that SALT is needed, and not only in the sense of a chefs arsenal of seasonings.

12" of snow and counting the past two days, have put a halt in some aspects of opening my restaurant. The roads are complete crap and this city is very ill prepared for anything that is semi out of the norm, especially when foul weather comes to town. I think this is a tell, like in a poker game once you have figured a weakness in there game it is your job to make your hands better, or at least appear better. This passive aggression of Seattle is one thing that i can take advantage of.

One of the first things you are taught when starting to cook is the importance of salt, that is a seasoning not a spice, that it needs to be just right, not like in horseshoes or hand grenades that getting close still counts, salt needs to be dead on.

Nothing is worse than going out to eat in a city that takes such pride in the appearance of there restaurant to only lack in the fundamentals of cooking are one to spoil a night.

Brings me back to one of my earlier postings...

"For me it is not only using the ideas and techniques as a springboard for new exciting food, but is about maintaining classic traditions, renewing our respect for these great dishes, holding them up to a light and understanding them, in order to perfect them. It is easy to make Foie Gras, lobster and truffles taste good. But how do you take lettuce, salt, vinegar and oil in a way that is elegant and exquisite? Indeed, the very fact that these dishes have fewer main ingredients, commonly inexpensive ingredients- chicken and salt, for example, only raises the bar."

Salt is a fundamental, such as in building a house you need a solid foundation, you need to be honed in your technique for it is all used to be a springboard to bigger and better things.

...and please Seattle invest in a few snow plows, and a salt truck, it would help a little bit as well!

Praise the LARD

2008-11-30T20:57:00.000-08:00

You hear it time and time again, the chefs love for a pig is not one that is kept in the closet. Just moving to Seattle and have realized that my love for this little guy has only grown. Right now while in the thick of opening my restaurant I am sourcing ingredients that will make us a bit different, to set us apart from the others, that those who adore the scene will know right from the start. I want to add a sense of simplicity, refinement, and touch of whimsical when you dine with me.

Hazelnut Fed Pigs... yep very similar to the black foot pigs breed and eaten in Spain, i got the Seattle version of them. This is going to ad a dynamic to the menu that i think is seldom seen. A product that is actually taken care of by my sous chef and then he him self will take the whole hog and do what we love.

What is this love? whats the "Cure" ? Well two specks, a few pork jowls, house made panchetta, rilletes, pate, head cheese, all to go with the jams and the preserves that i have been making.

Keep an eye out and hope that you will be one to get a invite to the opening of Cantinetta

AHHH MUSE ME....

2008-10-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

Sitting in all cooped up really sometimes does nothing for creativity! It has come to my realization on how people feel from hours on end days upon days, with no outlet for creativity. Hence I think the obsession with Internet video sites of office workers doing crazy things... keeping them with the notion that one day I should take everyones paperclips and put it “that” guys cube, or hide all the staplers in your bosses office so that no work can get done!

I am a creature of habit, and it works for me. Though when forced to do the same thing over and over again with out the possibility of change drives me nuts. This is one reason I became a chef. Having an outlet for change, not only on a seasonal basis, on a daily basis is what helps me get through the week. Long 12 hour shifts that are mostly spent on my feet are fun and looked upon with a smile. But days spent crunching numbers, Making phone calls and not cooking are lumped in the third circle of hell, right along with paying for all your luggage, a bottle of water, sitting next to a extra large smelly man on an over crowded plane with a screaming baby behind me. which i have done latley.

Most people love and relish there desk jobs, and most chefs hate them. During the transformation from line cook, to chef you look at the office job so easily done, and hope for he day that you can stop humping the line and go into a cool office and place a few orders. But look at it from my point of view. I would love to be in there shoes, come in work a station put out great food, be surrounded by a group of great guys who always have something witty, or coy to say, clean you area then leave, for a few beers and more laughs. Not so much having to worry about getting in before anyone else, making sure all the orders come in, is the toliet fixed from last night, make sure you are keeping everyone happy from the owner, to the customer who wants asparagus in the middle of the winter. To forget all that and just cook, do what you do and what brought you to this industry. Relish in the simplicity of cooking; really focus on making your technique polished and flawless, one that would rival the greats.

have been in the process of opening a new place, number crunching, making contacts trying to hire a good team, but a few nights i tried to sit down and write a menu, i couldnt do it sitting witha ton of open books in front of me i could not get one good idea out... i have lost my MUSE... I think i have found it and am ready to write again both menus and Blogs. cause i know you all have been missing them!

So after this long winded blog i come to this, I would much rather be making a wonderful lamb stew, than inputting sales or computeing labor cost. Slicing onions until my eyes water would make me smile from ear to ear, rather than dealing with the Credit Card Terminal people on the phone. I would rather be cooking is what it comes down to.

Last Kid Picked....

2008-10-11T23:39:00.000-07:00

In 8th grade I had to write a paper on why or why not to keep music and or sports programs in school. You were either for it or against it, and though I have always been a firm supporter of music, arts, and sports in the class room I decided to write a paper for against it. I wrote a narrative on how the little guy, i.e. nerdy boy was his nickname, and I made a point or looking it at a kid who is always picked last and really is not very good at anything else but computers and book work. It was not the most popular opinion but when written as a narrative it did win me 1st place!

Now what in the world does this have to do with food? A lot I tell you! The whole concept of the little guy needs to be nurtured and loved, the big boy chains get all the breaks, cheaper food, better spotlight, better rents, in turn more customers, but does that mean they are better? Not always, yes Mc D’s is a good hamburger, but I would run across a six lane highway for a Five Guys any day. I will only go to olive garden in utter desperation of what they call Italian food, but Sorrisso I will eat 3 times a week (maybe that is just the W.H.O.P. in me)

Often times the neighborhood restaurant are under rated and looked upon as a second choice, I have found by large that they are better off going to a smaller place, like Joey Tomato’s in my home town for Italian and sandwiches than the underground sub car sandwich with the yellow sign, and that preachy guy Jarred in the window, because of the niche they have, they found what they do well and don’t deviate from it. Smaller places tend to have there Idiosyncrasies, like no mayo on a pastrami sandwich, but they are not trying to be the Generic Factory and please the masses! The road to restaurant riches is littered with the bodies of those who allowed themselves to became unremarkable. They didn't start out that way, of course, or they never would have gained traction to begin with ... but time has a way of sneaking up on us, particularly those who start to take their success for granted.

It comes down to this, though you may pay more, but you are getting what you paid for, the FOOD! You are not paying for the logo, advertising, or the cool toy that comes with your meal, your paying for the food, and that is what matters!

That is why i am so excited for my new venture. Seattle is a great food town, niche markets. small restaurants that do one thing and one thing well. I will be focusing on making the best handmade pasta in the city. Using only Local ingridents!

Summer winds...

2008-09-02T16:09:00.000-07:00

Summer is over... though it is not Fall yet, there are still changes in the air. For you who know me, know that I am leaving the life of travel it is a good leave for myself. After a little...well a lot of worry what my next step was going to be i have made it, I am goign to head out west, well if they will have me ;) Though some of you may see it as a step backward i see it as just another step, a step for the greater good.

“Even diamonds start out as coal…” this statement rings so true in a lot of aspects of my life on only the culinary world that I reside in. Taking primal cuts, whole fish and breaking them down into something beautiful and exquisite it is kind of weird that not even a few hours ago it was an animal on your back table, and now a "diamond" is leaving a kitchen.

This is what we as chefs do, we take something so raw and primal, with time and just a little pressure we can create a beautiful dish that will appeal to the masses. This time of year is great as summer winds down were are able to adore jeans and start to cook food that not only warms the body but fills the soul. We as chefs can take a raw almost uneatable piece of meat like pork cheeks... and with time and gentle pressure can create amazing things, a pork dish that is light and as well still a bit warming. With the days still warm, and the nights turning into sweater weather. Dishes like these that emphasize the true soul of a chef, one that with an empty kitchen and a bit of time we can take almost anything and make it a girl best freind...

we as chefs are here to not only warm the soul but create and envoke memories.

Oil & Water...

As we know these things do not mix. But with a little gentle manipulation they can form a bond that is strong and appealing to the masses, but is it one that will hold forever?

I used to think that we are all the same, and in some aspects we are. Two legs, arms, ten fingers and toes, we all got them. But it seems like lately that I have been coming to terms that I am in a different class. That my status as oil is not going to always mesh with those who are water. Who I know or am does mean something. Network of who knows who is very important. But why does the bond of people never go past a platonic level.

I can see that I act this way, I can mingle with anyone. Be friendly with any person no matter what walk of life. But I look at myself as an example, on that status or Oil & Water will not mix, the majority of my staff is immigrant workers, they are GREAT people and I would hire them at any restaurant I worked at, but after that I don’t think I could ever see my self grabbing a beer with them after work, or that they would even take me up on the offer if I asked! Why is that, is it cause our lifestyles are so different, that there really is a class system, even if you are buddies.

Changes in lifestyle, or your day to day schedule can be very difficult to handle as well. It is easy to go from 0- 60 in no time, but to stop on a dime takes a talent, a talent that I do not think I posses at this moment. I take things that effect, influence me and I try to use them as muses in my cooking but when rough week after rough week come and go it is hard to find muses in really anything. I think I am in due for a vacation... I am really looking forward to making new LASTING diamonds

You Become What You Tolerate

2008-08-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

A quality you would do well to develop is a fierce intolerance of incompetence. You will never become a legend if you condone performance below your standards. Your obligation is to set the bar and coach like crazy to help everyone get over it.

Many will ... and some just won't be able to make it. Those are the ones you must draw the line with. This is not to suggest that the solution to incompetence should necessarily be termination, but if someone has proven themselves incapable of performing adequately in a particular job, you need to find them a position where they CAN excel ... or free up their future for something more rewarding.

Tolerating incompetence is unfair to your business, your guests, your staff who care and the workers who are not making the grade.

A Note From the Doc: If you have standards but occasionally compromise them ... you don't have standards.

only the strong will....

2008-08-12T07:54:00.000-07:00

This week's Time magazine will tell it like it is. Writing about the demise of the Bennigan's chain, the article says ...

"Americans who want to peruse oversize menus for oversize portions of unremarkable food in unremarkable settings may soon have to check out Applebee's or Chili's or Ruby Tuesday or TGIFriday's or the scores of other family-style restaurants serving deep-fried mozzarella sticks beneath hypnotically rotating ceiling fans."

The road to restaurant riches is littered with the bodies of those who allowed themselves to became unremarkable. They didn't start out that way, of course, or they never would have gained traction to begin with ... but time has a way of sneaking up on us, particularly those who start to take their success for granted.

Howard Johnson's was once the toast of the turnpike. Ground Round was a hot concept, Applebee's was building a restaurant in every town with more than a hundred residents. But all fell on hard times because they all got complacent and took their eyes off the ball. When they looked up, the market had passed them by. They had become unremarkable. Such is the arrogance of success.

Don't feel too smug. At one point, YOU were the new kid on the block, the hot concept that satisfied an unmet need, the place with the line out the door. But that was when there were only ten competitors within two miles of you.

How many restaurants are serving your market area today? How many of them are appealing to the same market segment that you are ... in about the same way?

Forget what you were when you started out ... what are the unmet needs of your guests right now? Have you evolved to meet those needs or are you just re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic thinking that a fresh coat of paint and a new menu is somehow protecting your investment?

Fugeddaboudit!

Today's McDonald's is not the same operation that sold 15-cent hamburgers ... but when did they change? McD's is a force because they are so good at evolution. They don't have to talk about blowing up a restaurant to let people know they are changing, they never let the market think of them as stale in the first place. (If you think McDonald's is a threat now, this should scare you: what if they had good food?!)

Rich Melman's Lettuce Entertain You empire has been brilliant (and brave) -- pulling the plug on a concept at the peak of its popularity and re-inventing the space rather than allowing the format to get stale. Do you have that kind of courage? Are you willing to think in such a long term manner?

Tough times will either kill you or make you stronger. As Bennigan's demise and Time's spot-on reading of the casual dining market so clearly points out, you cannot afford to let yourself become unremarkable.

This will mean paying more attention, spending some money and making some changes. This will certainly mean getting your ego out of the way long enough to face the very real possibility that have become boring and indistinguishable from the competition.

Don't dismiss out-of-hand the notion that YOU could be the next bit of road kill on the road to prosperity. The more certain your belief that you are unique in the marketplace, the greater the odds that you are, in fact, unremarkable. Ordinary. Just one more place to buy a pizza.

Why? Because if you won't at least consider the possibility seriously, it suggests that you insist on seeing things the way you would like them to be rather than the way they really are. The first question you should be asking yourself is not, "How do we do this better?" but "Is this what we should be doing in the first place?" Not only do you need to be asking that question, you need to be actively searching for the answer. It will take some work.

And don't be a cheap SOB and think you can save a buck by trusting your own perception of the operation. You are biased at best and blind a worst. You really need to tap a knowledgeable third part to get a brutally honest reading on your strengths and vulnerabilities. The truth can often be hard to hear, but wishful thinking is not a great business plan. Your success will be in direct proportion to your willingness to embrace uncomfortable truths.

So be afraid ... or at least nervous enough to take a hard look, ask the tough questions, pay careful attention to what you hear, then get busy and do something about it. A perpetual state of (low level) paranoia will help you stay on your toes. Do the work!

Oven Roasted Halibut, Haricot Verts, Tomatoes, Sage Oil.... Simplicity

2008-08-10T07:16:00.000-07:00

Oven Roasted Halibut with Haricot Verts, Oven Roasted Tomatoes, & Sage Oil
3 TBL Olive Oil
20 Haricot Verts, Trimmed & Halved width ways
12 Spring onions, trimmed and Halved Width ways
12 Tomato Confit (recipe Follows)
16 Black Olives, Pitted, & Halved
The Sage Oil
8 fresh sage leaves
2 tbs Water
zest & juice of one lemon
100ml Olive oil
Confit Tomatoes
4 Large Ripe Tomatoes
3 TBL Olive Oil
3 springs Thyme
Rock Salt
Fresh Pepper
Preheat oven to 250 Degrees Blanch the tomatoes in Boiling salted water for 30 seconds and then put in ice bath and peel the skins off, cut in half length wise and place on sheet pan and season with Olive Oil, Chopped Thyme, Rock Salt and Pepper, Cook in low temp oven for 3-4 hours. If not using right away store in oil that they were cooked in.
Halibut
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees
For the sage oil mix all the ingredients togther and season well with salt and pepper. set aside
Put large pot of salted water on to boil
Heat and an oven proof fry pan with olive oil, Season Halibut well with salt and pepper, the Saute for 2 min on each side until golden brown. place in the oven further for another 4 min.
Meanwhile Boil the Haricot Verts for 1 min, adding the spring onions after 2 min. Once cooked al Dente, remove from the water and keep warm. Remove the halibut from the oven and place, on a tray in a warm place to rest. Place the Haricot Verts, spring onions, tomatoes, and olives into the pan from which you just removed the halibut from, and the sage oil and heat through lightly. Season well.Place the halibut in the middle of four warmed plate, spoon the Vegetables and sage oil over and serve.

What The Wind will Bring.....

2008-08-10T07:08:00.000-07:00

I could not really ask for a better profession right now, being a chef is a great thing, part rock star, mixed with Latin lover, meets temperamental artist, hint of class clown, with a smig of scientist, and dash of humble servant. In an interview for a TV Show I was asked along with the other chefs, “What makes a Great Chef?” You got a lot of the stock standard answers, but when they got to me I said one thing “Broad Shoulders.” At any given time you are or doing the plumbing, valet, cooking, dishwasher, waiter, checking in orders, dealing with guest, and crunching numbers. A Kind of all around guy that everyone goes to, but this is not why I do it, and it is not all about the cooking either. SEASONS!

I love the seasons, and the changes and excitement it brings to an everyday grueling but loving job. From new harvest olive oil in December to strawberries in the summer the months that seem to weave together all have their own individual personality. Each month brings something to the table that the last month did not, and that next month can’t. I am a strong believer that there are 12 seasons in a year. Us as chefs should revel in what mother nature can offer us, and use fresh, local, unadulterated products that are there to brighten our souls and help us create something that the guest will come back for, even if it wont be there in a month.

Life as well brings us change, working on abroad there is constant change, people come and go, and when people come back they are different. This is a great thing, for if we try to be stagnant and not grow, we become content, and this is the worst thing for a chef, to be content to not want to be better or the best. To try and strive for an unattainable goal of perfection.
Seasons come and go, so do loved ones and friends, but as something is not longer available on the table, next month will bring something better, or different

Summer’s Strawberries!

2008-08-05T01:57:00.000-07:00

July is over but August is here, This is one of my favorite times of year, because now traveling through out Italy and Greece I get to come in contact with more local Strawberries, Rome is in sync and the appearance of luscious, locals strawberries are everywhere. I see customers and pastry chefs line up for there share of this little red jewel. These fruit stands and markets of Rome are full of plump summer strawberries basking in the summer sun, releasing their perfumed sweetness into the air. Only thing that might be better are all the beautiful Italian Women around me when buying these jewels.

Rome’s strawberries come from a swath that encircles the city, thanks to volcanic lakes and hills that lie to both north and south. Everybody joins in the worship of the local crop, not matter what it is. In Restaurants it is common to see bowls of strawberries served for dessert, sometimes served with a few splashes of local wine!

No place in Italy celebrates strawberries like the small medieval village of Nemi. The whole summer is devoted to strawberries, and on weekends visitors come from near and far to visit Nemi for there share of these little ruby jewels.

But not any ordinary strawberry is what they are after, wild Fagole de bosco is what they seek. These little berries come from sandy mineral-rich soil surrounding the lake that Nemi sits on. These Fagole de Bosco Fetch a high price tag due to there hand picked and foraging in thick forests of pine and chestnut. Tiny drops of red nectar, they pack a whopping punch well worth there weight in gold. While in Nemi you can find them fresh and among different types of desserts from Gelato to served atop a tiny custard tartlet, or just under a mound of barley whipped cream.

For me, this season in Italy has made me a fan of strawberry gelato; strawberries and cream are a great flavor combo. I eat it every time possible, I get my fill now cause from what I am told you won’t find strawberry gelato at any other time of year in Italy, since, artisan producers will only make it when strawberries are in season. I agree whole heartily with this philosophy, so make this summer stand out eat plenty of strawberries, wild, cultivated, but make sure they are local! And you can have your own private trip to Nemi!

SEA.... FOOOOOOD....

2008-08-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

I guess being on or near the ocean a lot makes me think twice about seafood and all the sublime things that are in it...

My Love for seafood is fueled, first and foremost by my pleasure of eating all the sublime things that live in the water, and second by my childhood of growing up on the Gulf Coast of Florida. I have had the pleasures in handling, preparing, and eating all of the foods, but especially fish and shellfish. I find my self cooking fish in a more simple approach. A perfectly cooked fish with a bit of vegetables and a touch of vegetable juice, or citrus is an absolutely satisfying dish.

Trying to cook seafood in a more “simple” way by limiting cream, and de emphasizing butter and letting the utter purity of God’s natural flavors come forth. It is a balancing act between Me the Artist and God the Creator. In this part of my cuisine I find the balance of power works better when me the artist contributes little as possible.

When Dealing with Seafood only the best will do. In a world like today it is just as easy to get fresh exquisite fish from the Pacific Rim, Gulf of Mexico, Great Lakes, or the Atlantic Ocean as it is from your local shores. When choosing seafood in a market I go to places that are well maintained, not fishy aroma in the air. Working with whole fish rather than the filet, is my preference because of less bacteria and the free- range you have with it.

Seafood is a true passion of mine, and the creativity that comes with it is unmatched. God has given us great things to cook let us use them!

3...three...Thrice

2008-08-02T15:39:00.000-07:00

Just like this poem, Movie was EHHH....

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I’ll never see the sun,as 1.7321
Such is my reality,a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
As quietly co-waltzing by,Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

"for you a 1000 times over...."

2008-07-12T15:52:00.000-07:00

Just got done reading and watching a great book then watching the movie, kite runner. THis book has a lot of great themes, but over all forgiveness and friendship, this movie also remineded me alot of the lent season.

I have changed in the past few months, but what i have doen in the past still lingers, what is the way to overcome? how do you let go? how do you fix what was broken?

Smell of Defeat....

2008-06-28T05:41:00.000-07:00

One of the worst things, for a competitive person, is to loose. I am know to be a fairly competitive guy, in the blood sport of kickball, to my career I like the feeling of winning and knowing that I did very well. It is sometimes hard to see the good in situations, especially when you have just been routed 3-0 Russia?

In cooking there is not so much winner or looser. Yeah restaurants and Chefs can get horrible reviews but that is a fact of life, not everyone will like your food, even if it is best food on the planet. A perfect example of this is my family owned deli, Joey’s Tomato in Niceville, FL. Since the summer of 1996 they have been serving some of, if not, the best deli meats and sandwiches in the Panhandle of FL. Good quality ingredients, my mother slaving over a stove to make huge batches of soups, and great desserts, a real one of a kind place. Joey’s has a great following, but there are always people who will say, Blimp’s, “Metroway”, or even the Shell Station serves better sandwiches. It makes you wonder how is that possible, homemade vs. warehouse made? Is this kind of a defeat for the little guy?

No! It is the power of marketing, it goes to show that if you are shown the golden M a million times eventually when your hungry will guide you there, no matter how good or bad the food or service is. This is the up hill battle for the small guy, a fight to not let go of what you do, and what you do well.

So whether you are a small yet underrated restaurant, or the big guy stealing the lime light with the billion dollars marketing campaign, if you stick to your game plan anything can happen on any given day. Just remember you are only as good as your last plate!

Indians.... dot or feather?

2008-06-28T05:39:00.001-07:00

Shortly before I moved to DC, I was working at this really amazing restaurant. It was a fusion concept of American, Caribbean, Latin, and Asian Influences. Though I have stated many times that this is not my style of cooking, this food was well prepared and never over done, simplicity in another form. But I digress…. While helping this place to open they brought in a painter to paint HUGE oranges, and this really tropical theme in the restaurant. When he arrived we brought him to the local home depot to buy supplies, and we were trying to push him to buy the name brand expensive brushes and paint. Finally he looked and said. “It is not the bow, nor the arrow…. It is the Indian!”

BRILLIANT! There is no better way to describe the way I am or how I cook! Yes we as chefs all love the GREAT and expensive ingredients. But time and time again I am drawn to the simplicity of the cheaper, less expensive stuff to draw my inspiration from. Being able to take chicken, lettuce, oil, vinegar, salt, and combine it in a way to where it taste good is a lot harder than being handed the best of the best.

Just like a pilot in an airplane, or a captain of a boat, it is great to have a million dollar GPS system behind you but what if that fails, you need to break out the map and know how to use the most basic of systems.

As a chef for example “varietals” meats such as sweetbreads, liver, veal cheeks, all these ingredients are simple, inexpensive and have great flavor and are normally forgotten about, but with the right time and technique can outshine even the most expensive cuts of meat and fish that are more likely to be found on Haute Cuisine menus

It comes down to the “Indian.” We as chefs must learn to take the simplest of things and create something beautiful with it. This is the true mark of a really developing your craft.

Rings, Napkins

2008-06-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

Chefs today and more than that future chefs, or culinary school students have a lot of attitude with them. They carry this chip on there shoulder that since we work long hours and please your palate that we deserve to be treated like any other deity. That our cuisine is supreme and no one, not even the critic can really know what it is all about, cause “Chef got the eggs from an old lady with cataracts upstate. Chef foraged for the mushrooms in a thicket near the Tappan Zee. Chef Counsels a bite from the ramekin on the left, then a sip from the shot glass on the right, then a palate-clearing curtsy.”

As if we are no longer, Brian, or Samuel any more it is CHEF… Yeah we all want the glory, but at what cost? I know some may ask why did you trying out for Top Chef, if you don’t want to be a superstar. My reasons are few. 1. I know I am a great chef, with a lot to learn, and feel that this medium of cooking is brand new to me and will do wonders for anyone career. 2 it is a $100,000 I don’t care who you are why not try for it, I can be out of debit, give some money to my family, and still have enough to invest in my place. 3. For the glory, but more than for the glory, try and show that you don’t have to buy into the hype of publicity and still be a great chef coking good food that will please the guest.

To Many times do the counsel of chefs in the kitchen say that you have to eat a dish this way, if you put ketchup on a steak you are going to the 7th ring of Hell! Wait… what? Why? That is horse crap; I know that it may not be the best thing to do, but why not. My father and I LOVE to have ketchup with our veal cutlets, hell my mother can’t cook them fast enough we are eating them out of the pan, and though she cringes, she knows that it makes us happy, and we as chefs have to remember to do the same thing, to make out guest happy at all cost. I know when I was young and starting out in the industry I was full of pre pubescent cheer, and thought, not even the chef I was working for, was as good as me. But in time we grow up and learn that patience is a true virtue, and that we all will grow in time and fit perfectly into our chef coat.

It is easy to say, we use eggs from an old lady, and the chef goes out and picks his own mushrooms, and oh this 2018 vintage of Cote du Rhone has the wonderful aroma of my grandmothers ajunk room. It really does matter, it is easy to talk but all in al it comes down to one thing, what is on your plate. As my father has told me time and time again, “You are only as good as your last plate…”

Oil & Water...

2008-06-23T00:50:00.000-07:00

As we know these things do not mix. But with a little gentle manipulation they can form a bond that is strong and appealing to the masses, but is it one that will hold forever?

“You and I are like oil and water And we’ve been trying, trying trying Ohhhh, to mix it up. We’ve been dancing on a volcano And we’ve been crying, crying, crying Over blackened souls. Babe, this wouldn’t be the first time, it will not be the last time. There is no parasol that would shelter this weather. I been smiling with anchors on my shoulders But I’ve been dying, dying, dying Ohh, Ohh, Oh to let them go. Babe, this wouldn’t be the first time, it will not be the last time. There is no parasol that would shelter this weather. Babe, this wouldn’t be the first time, it will not be the last time. We were trying to believe that everything would get better. We’ve been lying to each other Hey! Babe! Let’s just call it what it is! Oil and Water! Oil and Water! Oil and Water!”

I used to think that we are all the same, and in some aspects we are. Two legs, arms, ten fingers and toes, we all got them. But it seems like lately that I have been coming to terms that I am in a different class. That my status as oil is not going to always mesh with those who are water. Who I know or am does mean something. Network of who knows who is very important. But why does the bond of people never go past a platonic level.

I can see that I act this way, I can mingle with anyone. Be friendly with any person no matter what walk of life. But I look at myself as an example, on that status or Oil & Water will not mix, the majority of my staff is immigrant workers, they are GREAT people and I would hire them at any restaurant I worked at, but after that I don’t think I could ever see my self grabbing a beer with them after work, or that they would even take me up on the offer if I asked! Why is that, is it cause our lifestyles are so different, that there really is a class system, even if you are buddies.

Changes in lifestyle, or your day to day schedule can be very difficult to handle as well. It is easy to go from 0- 60 in no time, but to stop on a dime takes a talent, a talent that I do not think I posses at this moment. I take things that effect, influence me and I try to use them as muses in my cooking but when rough week after rough week come and go it is hard to find muses in really anything.

Clowns and Chefs...

2008-06-23T00:44:00.000-07:00

We as a human race, and more so chefs, are a frail being. This façade / exterior that you first see is not all that we have to offer. Like any chef I try to make my food look beautiful, but it is the depth of ones plate that is truly measured. The balance of not only beauty adorned on the eyes, but beauty of soul which we can only find if we dive into the plate. This goes the same for people as well.

“Say how’s the weather? so I look out the window To brighten my soul, but I can’t control the rain That keeps falling. Smile on the outside that never comes in. A comedy, mystery, irony, tragedy So I scream “let the show begin” You break me open, turn on the light Stumble inside with me, with me Do I entertain you? Do I preoccupy you with my wit to cover this lie? Are you mesmerized? Do you think me faithful; do you think me a clown? I picked out this shirt, I put on this hat I wore all this paint just for you”

I sometimes feel I am always on stage that I always must perform at the peek of my ability. And when I show just the slightest sign of weakness, I get called a child, or unprofessional. In the Hospitality Industry you must check your baggage at the door, and bring you’re “A-Game" this is a hard thing to do. The Customer does not care about your personal life all they care about is a memorable meal. What is going on in the kitchen does not matter to anyone, what matters is what is on the plate.

Remember that chefs are human we do mess up, we over cook food, and do let things slip, but try to make up for it in the end. We are all deserving people no matter what we do, not one thing will ever really make me not love what I do, or someone. Heart... I got one!

Ask me... Go ahead anything....

2008-05-04T12:21:00.001-07:00

Once someone finds out that I am a chef, it get a series of question. When will you cook for me? What is your favorite dish to cook? What is your favorite food? And… Being a Chef do you cook at home?

I have programmed answers for these questions, it is not they the programmed answers are not true, but they maybe a little less than forth right then what I would really say if I cared about your opinion of me, and if my answers are really going to change your perception of what or who a chef really is.

When will you cook for me? “When ever you want” is my normal answer. Which is true, I will cook for you when ever you want me too. Granted I have time, and or I want to spend my day off planning a huge menu for you that I will most likely not put 100% into cause if you are truly asking this question you most likely don’t know the difference, with full contact chefing, or the guy at Chipotle.

What is your favorite dish to cook? “Duck” and I am sticking to that. No matter what time of year it is I will always cook duck! It love it, it is so versatile and takes on the flavors that you want, Spicy, sweet, savory, port, figs, cabbage, potatoes, tea. It is truly one of those proteins that if given in a mystery box will have me create a few 100 great things. But if you have to have a “dish” I really don’t have one dish I like to cook.

What is your favorite food? Now this is going to be strange for some of you but just hear me out. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, between toasted frozen waffles. Just think PB&J on toast. I came across this little delightful dish because I was poor living in Vermont, the grocery store had a sale on Frozen waffles, and peanut butter. I bought both, lots of both and made a sandwich with it. It was AWESOME, and to this day is comfort food for me. I also love chocolate chip cookies, and my mothers lasagna.

Do you still cook at home? What kind of question is this? Of course I still cook at home, if cooking you mean re heating left overs and making PB&J on Toasty Waffles! I really do cook, but not as often as I want to. Working takes up a lot of my time and that leads me to going out on my days off or really never leaving my bed and just napping and watching TV all day. But when I get the urge to cook it is what I like to call “bowl food” something that takes one pan to cook and can all be put in a bowl and eating with one utensil but layered with mouth watering flavor. Since I don’t have a dishwasher at home, and by dishwasher I mean someone hired to do dishes for me, so I have to cut down on the mess, hence the simplicity of one pan cooking one bowl dining.

Office Space

2008-05-04T12:14:00.000-07:00

Hmmm sitting in an office does nothing for creativity! It has come to my realization on how people feel from hours on end days upon days, with no outlet for creativity. Hence I think the obsession with Internet video sites of office workers doing crazy things, tp keep there sanity, hiding all the staplers in your bosses office so that no work can get done!

I am a creature of habbit, and it works for me. Though when forced to do the same thing over and over again with out the possibility of change drives me nuts. This is one reason I became a chef. Having an outlet for change, not only on a seasonal basis, on a daily basis is what helps me get through the week. Long 12 hour shifts that are mostly spent on my feet are fun and looked upon with a smile. But days spent crunching numbers, Making phone calls and not cooking are lumped in the third circle of hell, right along with sitting next to a extra large smelly man on an over crowded plane with a screaming baby behind me.

Most people love and relish there desk jobs, the 9-5, nights and weekends off, and most chefs hate them. During the transformation from line cook, to chef you look at the office job so easily done, and hope for the day that you can stop humping the line and go into a cool office and place a few orders. But look at it from my point of view. I would love to be in there shoes, come in work a station put out good food, be surrounded by a group of great guys who always have something witty, or coy to say, clean you area then leave. Not so much having to worry about getting in before anyone else, making sure all the orders come in, make sure you are keeping everyone happy from the owner, to the customer who wants asparagus in the middle of the winter. To forget all that and just cook, do what you do and what brought you to this industry. Relish in the simplicity of cooking; really focus on making your technique polished and flawless, one that would rival the greats, and please every guest.

lesson....

2008-04-29T10:04:00.000-07:00

" As we grow up we learn the one person who is not supposed to let you down probably will, and the one person you thought would never is. Your going to fight with your friends, your going to lose some of your friends. You will fall in love with with one of your friends. You will love someone that you would never find. People are going to hate you, love you, hate to love you but the one that means the most will always be there."

A lot has changed since I have left, my perception of myself, people, and my over all attitude. But what does that mean, is it for the better, or is it just what it is?

Traveling the world has become my life style, a style that at first I tried to resist and not take full advantage of. But when signs apear brighter than the "Welcome to Las Vegas" I realize that fate is something that I can't always control, though you do have a say.

Same goes for the kitchen, though we have a say In what we as chefs create, it is still sometimes a crap shoot. You there are certain things that are just out our control, and when we as chefs, and people, learn to let go I think our craft goes to a whole differnt level.

"Let go there's more" this is a lesson that I still struggle with, to let go! I find my self holding on to people, places and things, when I know that right in front of me there is more and something better! Is it a fear of being left behind? Or being forgotten.my fears, devils and deamons are something only I can deal with, and with time will! Both in the kitchen and in life I need to learn to let go, let time takes it course and does what it does!

"Fear is a dangerous thing, it'll take your god filled soul and fill it with devils and dust"

Star Light Star Bright....

2008-04-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

Direction is something we all need at times. Whether it is going to a new city or following a recipe, directions help us towards a final product, or result, that normally takes us to something grand. At least it does when I am cooking:) Like the Feast of the Epiphany, the wisemen followed the direction of a star and found a little boy in swaddling cloths. Though we don’t normally see bright stars or huge signs that lead us down our path of life, we need to look at the small ones that we are around everyday and or email us on a daily basis as well. (email?)

When I was a wee little lad I wanted to be a chef, I thought! So I worked in restaurants, went to culinary school, and cooked in very nice restaurants in order to further my culinary career. But I got sidetracked. I became overwhelmed and took a small detour into another industry. I did my work and made lots money, but I wasn’t happy at night when I left work. I kind of felt empty. The choice between cooking or “Career B” had to be made. I weighed the options and saw my star and chose to go the route of cooking. And now, every night after work, I feel satisfied that I have cooked, and cooked well: creating and evoking a memory that will hopefully bring them back for more.

I found myself at another fork in the road right before I moved from DC. Throughout my travels, I’d always gone places with the support of my family, or friends, usually both. But this move from DC was a bit more difficult. I saw a sign (a good job offer), in the midist of a lot of wrong, and decided to take the leap. I really didn’t know anyone and found it difficult to meet people. I came to this city with the direction of building my career, but after months of little to no social life, it came to be really hard to stay focused on my cuisine. I hadn’t realized how much my friends really inspired me on a daily basis. Witty emails and inside jokes help me think and are all subtle hints about how I should direct my cuisine, or, more accurately, how my cuisine will direct me. I learned during this little social drought that things take time, don’t push it, and you’ll find someone to drink a beer with sooner or later

Cuisine without direction is a worrisome thing. There are many times when I go out to eat that I have a great plate put in front of me, but there is no overall direction that has been conveyed. We, as chefs, can often lose sight of what we want to create for a diner and just put a lot of good things on a plate. Oftentimes, this turns out to be messy and unfocused, like a party in a small house with too many guests. I try to simplify things, have a few key ingredients and let them speak for themselves.

Like my menus, I have found that I, myself, having a theme : big flavors, small packages – the “guiding star” that will take me, and the diner, to something grand! One of my favorite dishes “Koulibiac,” described as a four-corner fish pie by the Russian Novelist Nikolai Gogol, is undeniably grand, and yet simple. Being a chef is grande, and some times flashy, but one of the few places you might find this showy, old-fashioned dish is in my kitchen. Creating layers of salmon, divided by rice, spinach, mushrooms, and wrapped in puff pastry, breaks down into a surprisingly simple process of sautéing a few different components, stacking them up and wrapping them up in pastry. That is my direction. I had a focus and I recreated a dish that will surely please guests when ever it is on my menu.

Never will we all see a shining star in the sky that points us in the direction of a new king, but there are subtle hints and people around us to give us the inspiration that will help us through our daily lives, our adventures in cuisine. So I have to yet again repeat what my Dad said, “GOOD FRIENDS, GOOD FOOD, QUALITY GETS ALL…” Don’t expect to see a huge neon sign that says “ TAKE THIS JOB,” or “LIVE HERE.” but you never know!

Even Diamonds start as Coal....

2008-04-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

“Even diamonds start out as coal…” this statement rings so true in a lot of aspects of my life not on only the culinary world that I reside in, but also in my day to day life. in the culinary world taking primal cuts of meat, whole fish and with time a bit of pressure transforming them into something beautiful and exquisite. It is kind of weird that not even a few hours ago it was an a lump of coal on your back table, and now a diamond is leaving a kitchen, to excite a guest.

This is what we as chefs do, we take something so raw and primal, with time and just a little pressure we can create a beautiful dish that will appeal to the masses. April is a time of year that is great, “Baby chicks are hatching and shaking the icicles off their tail feathers. Flowers are blooming… freezing, wilting and blooming. Bunny rabbits are putting on their warmest fur coats.” We as chefs can take a raw almost uneatable piece of meat like lamb shoulder and with time and gentle pressure can create Navarin, a lamb stew that is light and as well still a bit warming. Navarin show cases the best that spring has to offer. Young lamb, freshest of vegetables, hints of herbs, and the up and coming tomato. All things that in the cold of winter are almost forgotten about, but to no avail April comes just in time to remind us of the beauty of spring.

Things get messed up, we forget, we loose, we fight, and make mistakes, but in the end things work out for the best. Like the Redskins, ok maybe that is a bad example, but I have 100% faith in my "Coal" the NATIONALS, that they will be a diamond here soon! Awkward starts have turned out to be great finishers, bad endings have turned out to make great new begining. April is known for Starting out like a lamb and finishing like a lion. Take that as you will, but April is a transition month, the month were one of God’s Favorite was born, yes me, and as April is the Transition month not only for seasons, but for me as well.

Oh What a Night....

2008-04-24T08:28:00.000-07:00

”Planning a big night?” inquired his roommate. The young man only grinned and arranged the candles. Soon they cast wavering cones of light across the soft carpet, dancing in time with wisps of smoke from the incense. He smiled, lay belly-down on the floor, opened the book and launched into the first crossword puzzle.

Hangovers and work days are found quite often. In all the hustle and bustle of my life lately, yes I know I am on vacation, all I have really wanted is to relax and just chill out.
As the week seems to dwell on, I look more and more to going to Florida. The thought of going, seems to be as simple and pleasing as the first paragraph, when a big vacation or night is something so simple and serene. That a few cocktails and a pretty lady are all you need to keep you smiling, or a comfy bed, a few good DVDs, and falling asleep can normally far surpass a well-planned night (that always seems to fall short of your expectations). Learning that less is more, is a hard thing for me, both in life and as a Chef. It is something that only comes in time.

I find that this way of thinking is the best way to approach food as well. If you are trying to do too much and combine too many ingredients on one plate, your thoughts and ideas for the best plate ever will normally be tarnished. The final out come will be something muddy. Like a symphony, each piece must work together to sound perfect. Some must bow out at times and be silent for the whole show to be a success.

We as chefs must think of the total show when creating a meal. One that will satisfy every sense, and all facets of the palette. This does not have to be done all in one plate, but over the course of the whole meal.

I love my Brother!

2008-04-21T13:54:00.000-07:00

(this is an old Blog from my Website, soon to come, posted on 2/28/07)

I have always wondered if that being older made you a smarter person. I was reading my brothers blog today and he wrote a statement that has resonated in me! (this by no means makes him smarter cause he is older) I have alluded to this before but he wrote it so well. ( ok so he is smarter than me!) The past few weeks have been rough for me, Getting yelled at by owners, almost coming to fist to cuffs with servers, and customers complaining about little things, my support system has been gone for a while and I have seem to be in the dumps. But when I read my brothers blog it was a great up lifting, that put things in perspective.

Chefs, Waiters, Host, Buss Boys normally get the crap end of the stick when it comes to work, but we wake up each morning and do it all over again. Why? Cause, “We are the Stewards of special moments in people’s lives” this is so true, many of my fond memories have food overtones! That special occasion or Birthday Dinner (April 12th for those who are wondering), Even the down trotted events such as funerals, and divorces are centered on food. It is all a great comfort; it warms the soul with a sense of compassion that is un rivaled.

Servers get most of the brunt of all the crap that people can dish out in a restaurant, but also get most of the joy, they get to bring out smiles, cheers, and libations! They get to see that first smile, one that is often followed bye a few oooo’s and ahhh’s. This is why they and we come back for more, though many times our job is very repetitive and stress full it is a different story everyday when you walk in, the nervous two top who is about to pop the question that needs a bit of support but not over the top service. The group of great friends who have been celebrating every birthday together since college, who loves all the attention, to the group of sad friends who just need drinks to get them through there night.

All in all it is the simple times in our lives that are most often surrounded by food, and the comfort of our friends, and we “the stewards of special moments in people’s lives” are here to not only help create the memory, but be apart of it!

Spring....

2008-04-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

With spring here, and the weather finally seems to be behaving, yes i know it is raining, it is time to think of a new style of cooking. One with lighter tones, but still a little warming for the cool brisk nights. In the next two months, one of which contains my birthday, are full of wonderful produce to really ring in the spring season!

March, the mantle of “nights at home” is dusted off and the promise of spring brings new life into the kitchen. Before long, we are visited by the first spring like days and the seasons exciting new produce are being seen on the shelves of grocery stores. We hunger for the new, but at the same time, still want winter dishes with some strength and substance. I am always so happy and eager for spring, and trying to make a seamless change from winter to spring taste. Eggplants, tiny white asparagus, morels, pepino melons, fava beans are found in my walk in and all perform wonderfully. But March dishes should be slightly rich; they should also have a sense of sharpness to them, arousing the diner’s slowly diminishing appetite. Garlic chives, goose berries and okra all serve this purpose nobly. With these dishes I, as a chef, will greet the season with even more enthusiasm.

“April is the cruelest month.” wrote T.S. Eliot. He was not talking about food though, because April is most kind when it comes to great food stuffs to eat. To start, the great Asparagus, in all of its glory, is in season. Threw the earthen soil baby wild leeks, aka ramps, begin to show there might. Also in great plenty are hedge hog mushrooms, English Peas, greens, fennel, yellow plum tomatoes, yellow squash and there blossoms, along with the most mis understood but greatest vegetable of all time, Rhubarb. Although we are attracted to lighter foods as the weather warms, April’s brisk evenings cannot be denied. Grains and legumes show off their versatility. Surely the flavors and textures of April’s produce will convince you that it can not possibly be the cruelest month.

Hence Great Weekends and Rainy mondays!

I love Italians...

2008-04-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

Growing up Italian is one of the best things, well I really can’t say I grew up any way else, but as far as I know it was the best! When people hear that you adorn the wonderful trademark of “Italian” they seem to smile, grandmothers praise the saints and an angel gets there wings. The culture is adored, everyone pretty much LOVES “Italian” food, and our feast and parties are rivaled next to no one. Family gatherings are always center around food, a bit too much to drink and hearing stories you have heard once or twice before.
I am always reminded of my culture, which is a big part of who I am, at a time in my life I did try to hide it, but now I have come to embrace it. I love the sayings that are uniquely Italian such as
“Revenge is a dish best served cold”—Don Vito Corleone in Godfather. (1969)

”Take the stone out of one’s shoe”—In mobspeak, someone or something who irritates you, from Mario Puzo, The Last Don.

”Don’t jerk my chain”—Don’t harass or bother me.

”It doesn’t go on all fours”—Something isn’t quite right.

”It shouldn’t happen to a dawg”—A common saying lamenting a person’s extremely bad luck.

”Keep your nose out of the gutter”—Don’t drink so much that you get drunk.

”One foot on a banana peel and the other in the grave”—Very old or very ill; slipping away fast.

”Warm piece of the sidewalk”—Decent living;

“Even a dog gets a warm piece of the sidewalk,” from the movie Donnie Brasco. (1977)

But we as Italians have our pride, we do things our way. We skoff at people who don’t know the way, like in my family it is “Gravy” or “Sauce” which means red sauce, gringos call it Marinara, it is not NOODLES, it is “pasta” or “Macaroni.” Our Traditions are deep, Fish on Christmas eve, Lamb on Easter, Chinese Buffet the Saturday after thanksgiving (ok so that is my family tradition not Italian). All these little “Italian” things or pieces of who I am. And I am still looking for a little Italy here in DC

All in all having great conversations and being reminded of who I am and where I come from is a great thing, it is a safe haven in the big city, where meeting people who are like you or understand you can be difficult. Finding people that you click with and who smile can light up a room, a room full of Italians cooking for the feast of 7 fishes.

3x5 Life

2008-02-22T09:00:00.000-08:00

Living the life, sailing from port to port not having to dred the brutal winter, has it definate advantages. Seeing the world on someone elses dime, and meeting new and exciting people have been a real treat for me.

Life flashes by in an instant and i sometimes forget where i am, or where i have been. Days, weeks, and months have all started to blend togther and i am not sure which way is up, or even what day it is (friday?). But i recall the smiles via a little digital camera.

Photos are and seem to be one if the veins of my existance. they are ret tools and they keep me grounded to what i have done, and where i have been, they help me share my good and bad times with loved ones afar.

all in all i love photos, so take mroe, look at mine, and hope to hear from all of you soon!

11 secrects all men keep....

2008-01-24T21:20:00.000-08:00

as i was doing some reading tonight i came across this article about 11 secrets that all men keep. and i have to say they are mostly dead on! We're not lying, exactly. We're just making things...easier

Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean we want to leave you
yes we look but so do you! If the oldest question in history is "What's for dinner?" the second oldest is "Were you looking at her?" The answer: Yes -- yes, we were. If you're sure your man doesn't look, it only means he possesses acute peripheral vision.

Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you
even though i do not play golf, but there are times when you just want to get away...

Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you
This is a dicey one, so first things first: We love you to death. We think you're fantastic. Most of the time we're absolutely thrilled that we've made a lifelong vow of fidelity to you in front of our families, our friends and an expensive videographer.
But most of us didn't spend our formative years thinking, "Gosh, I just can't wait to settle down with a nice girl so we can grow old together." Instead we were obsessed with how many women who resembled Britney Spears we could have sex with before we turned 30. Generally it takes us a few years (or decades) to fully perish that thought.

Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important
In more than 7.4 million U.S. marriages, the wife earns more than the husband -- almost double the number in 1981. This of course is a terrific development for women in the workplace and warmly embraced by all American men, right? Right?

Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house
I risk being shunned at the local bar, but In truth, it's rewarding to tinker with and fix something that, without us, would remain broken forever, Plus we get to use tools. but there is a difference between taking out the trash and fixing a hindge on the door!

Secret #6: We like it when you mother us, but we're terrified that you'll become your mother!
With apologies to Sigmund Freud, Gloria Steinem -- and my mother-in-law.

Secret #7: Every year we love you more
This does not mean that we dont love you now, but time makes us grow and truley understand what and who you are and WHY we love you

Secret #8: We don't really understand what you're talking about...

You know how, during the day, you sometimes think about certain deep, complex "issues" in your relationship? Then when you get home, you want to "discuss" these issues? And during these "discussions," your man sits there nodding and saying things like "Sure, I understand," "That makes perfect sense" and "I'll do better next time"?

Well, we don't understand. It doesn't make any sense to us at all. And although we'd like to do better next time, we could only do so if, in fact, we had an idea of what you're talking about.

We do care. Just be aware that the part of our brain that processes this stuff is where we store sports trivia.

Secret #9: We are terrified when you drive
Yes this is true!!

Secret #10: We'll always wish we were 25 again
This is moe along the line that we wish we could go back to the days of care free and not really taking much responsbility, just living life for the momment.

Last but not least, and my favorite is.....

Secret #11: Give us an inch and we'll give you a lifetime

I was on a trip to Mexico, standing on a beach, waxing my surfboard and admiring the glistening 10-foot waves, when I decided to marry the woman who is now my wife. Sure, this was three years before I got around to popping the question. But that was when I knew.
Why? Because she'd let me go on vacation alone. Hell, she made me go. This is the most important thing a man never told you: If you let us be dumb guys, if you embrace our stupid poker night, if you encourage us to go surfing -- by ourselves -- our silly little hearts, with their manly warts and all, will embrace you forever for it.
And that's the truth.

Cliff Calvin, Cheers

2008-01-17T22:43:00.001-08:00

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

why is this so true!?

Run Forest run....................

2008-01-17T22:30:00.000-08:00

Now that this cruise is done and gone, my 75 plus hour work week is also behind me and I have now started to let the muscles relax and think on what the past two weeks brought me. It was an overall success. Busy every day for lunch and dinner, guests seemed to walk out happy and leave with full stomachs and the notion that they might come back to see us.

The week also ended with me watching one of my favorite movies, Forrest Gump. This movie embodies my philosophy, not only in cooking but in life as well. To see a man who was taught the basics and then lead a good life affecting the world around him with out trying. He was his own man, through the perils of life, hurdles to jump, and shrimp to catch, he walked away a happy, content man with almost everything he wanted in life.

I had a lot to face last week. Busy numbers, no day off; always wondering if my staff is going to be able to handle the busy cruise with demanding guest in general. I have a good solid foundation and have taught myself and them the basics, and that has helped us get through a tough cruise.

It was really quite simple- kind of just put your head down and run, when you need to sleep, you sleep, when you need to eat, you eat, when you needed to cook and plate 15 salmons at once, you did it! It all seemed to fall into place. It is a combination of floating around like a feather in the wind and pre-determined destiny.

But when i also have that when floating around you also need to have a good game plan, not only in cooking, love, but in life. Flying by the seat of your pants at all cost and moments can backfire.

I was fortunate to be able end this cruise "dancing with the stars" a time when i get to get all dressed up in my black officers dress mess and go "dancin" with the guest. lets say my dancing career was about as short as David Hasselhofs American singing career, or for that matter Chris Gains as well.

But on the dance floor of life and with the shuffle board crowd it all comes down to attitude and just loving what you are doing at that moment. Remember who you have to support you but become your own support as well

Happiness

2008-01-14T20:13:00.000-08:00

Life, Liberty & the "Pursuit of Happyness." Three things that are all declared by our fore fathers that we as Americans can look for here in this country. The word "Pursuit" is the most interesting word in that phrase. We are allowed the other two but happiness is something that we must find our selves it is not something that can be given to us like life and liberty can. We all look for happiness in many ways, from finding that special someone, being finically secure, to eating a good meal.

I find happiness in many forms but the actual pursuit of it is a bit beyond me, I am not out to look for happiness, I am more elated on when it finds me it finds me. If I try and contort or manipulate it I don't think it is a pure form of happiness. Just like cooking when you try and do to much to one thing it comes as overly worked and over manipulated, not a true form of what you wanted or what God had intended for you to eat. Marconi and Cheese, this Classic southern American dish is a stem from the classic French dish brought over by African slaves, but now it has been transformed into this blue box and yellow powder that you add water to and 30 seconds later you have easy macaroni. Is this true happiness, or has it been contrived so far that yeah it fills me up when I am hungry but doesn't hit the pleasure zone as would a nice momma's made dish would.

We as chefs need to do less to our product and let the dish speak for itself, not buy into all this easy quick meal, get back to the basics of cooking off a stove top and not so much in the microwave. It would bring us back to a level of happiness that has long been forgotten. Which would you rather have, Blue box, or my homemade Mac & Cheese? I go for homemade any day, right Ms. Rogers?

This also goes to speak volumes to our lives as well, we need to get back to the basics, not try to force of contrive things, if something feels natural then do it, if it doesn't don't... I have urges that make me send flowers when i want to, open doors for people, and smile and say good morning to strangers... i do it cause it is natural to me, and i like to see people happy!

Fatih in Decption........?

2008-01-09T20:07:00.001-08:00

You know we all wonder in times on who we are, and when told who we are we take a look back and wonder. I had a good conversation about what some may perceive me as, one of the words was deceptive… is this me? or is it a way of protecting myself from others so not to let to many in, and hurt me…

All I know is that I am who I am and though I am not perfect I like to think that my good out ways my bad in many circumstances. I must learn to ask for help when needed but still learn that I am my own best friend. Life in general is a game of dice, you shot them and hope for 7 or 11 but end up with 4 and a 9. what are you to do? Roll again and work on your game. this is all i can do, know my weak points and try again, learn from the past but look towards the future at all times!

After I have left dc I have left a bunch of the ones I love and call my family… Will we be forever connected... I don't know. I'm feeling a lot of emotion. Excitement, anxiousness, a little fear, and a lot of happiness...kind of hard to wrap all those together. But one woman her self that affect on me. The intensity of emotions are strongest when a change is coming, and the change is here. (Some of the above words were stolen from my brothers blog, http://www.xanga.com/bfgtraveler )

"faith is not about having the right answers. Faith is a feeling. Faith is a hunch, really. It's a hunch that there is something bigger connecting it all... connecting us all together." Father Brian, “keeping the faith”

Now I just have to keep the faith, and commit to the decisions that I make, and keep making those decisions every day. It is not an easy life, but with the help of loved ones, and people remembering me, sending me emails, packages, and love help me get through the days. Thank you to all!

Captiol City

2008-01-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

These speak volume....

Listen closeThe monuments are whispering your name

I'm standing strong

Knowing that we'll never be the same

It's getting hard to fake

But as you go your own way

Remember, do not be afraid

because you're right where you should be

In Capitol City

Yeah, I know

There's better things right now for you than me

You're growing up

Those squinty eyes are just starting to see

Everything you need

Say the word...

It's all I'd need

To catch a plane

Make you believe

simple.....

2008-01-08T19:48:00.001-08:00

Some of my all time favorite food are so simple, from peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, roasted chicken with French fries, or anything my mother cooks. I love all the fancy foods from Foie gras, to butter poached lobster and white truffles. But in my day to day life I enjoy a perfectly cooked steak and French fries with herb butter. I am very happy to see an onion soup with the perfect balance of bread, broth and onions all beneath a golden crust of melted Gruyere Cheese. Crisp salads with fresh lettuces and simple vinaigrette never fail to excite me.

I often get asked why I cook some of these classic dishes. Whereas I could be creating new and exciting food. For me it is not only using the ideas and techniques as a springboard for new exciting food, but is bout maintaining classic traditions, renewing our respect for these great dishes, holding them up to a light and understanding them, in order to perfect them. It is easy to make Foie Gras, lobster and truffles taste good. But how do you take lettuce, salt, vinegar and oil in a way that is elegant and exquisite? Indeed, the very fact that these dishes have fewer main ingredients, commonly inexpensive ingredients- chicken and salt, for example- only raises the bar.

My love for food didn't begin when I went to culinary school. It happened way before that when I worked in a small Italian place where I was told to focus on technique. The success of any kind of cooking is focused on technique, and its ultimate quality is determined on how you execute that technique. I learned a lot from culinary school, I had been taught the basics, how to take inexpensive cuts into elegant stews, and how to cook vegetables properly. But the formation from cook to chef happened when I was learning on my own and cooking by myself, in what was a really kind of idyll in my career. I have learned how to let time and cooking take there natural manipulations. To let food be what it is, and not mask or hide its true flavor.
I am very happy where I am and I associate my food with happy times. That is why I cherish and revere simple food- the connection to it, the feeling I get when a plate of perfect pasta comes out or a beautiful steak piled with fries even a perfectly roasted chicken. This kind of food makes me feel good just looking at is. This food makes people happy!

Wandering....

2008-01-08T19:12:00.000-08:00

When wandering around you always seem to think about your surrondings. not only that but where you have been....

Me i tend to think of people who have helped mold me into who i am today... Chefs, freinds, family, and lovers past have all helped me to become who i am today.

But when asked what am i, or who i embody it is still hard to answer, espically when faced with fending for your self in a verbal assult. so i have been thinking what am i?

a Friend.... that is what i want to be know as...

You need a friend I'll be around Don't let this end Before I see you again What can I say to convince you To change your mind of me?I'm going to love you more than anyoneI'm going to hold you closer than beforeAnd when I kiss your soul, your body'll be freeI'll be free for you anytimeI'm going to love you more than anyoneLook in my eyes, what do you see?Not just the colorLook inside of meTell me all you need and I will tryI will tryI'm going to love you more than anyoneI'm going to hold you closer than beforeAnd when I kiss your soul, your body'll be freeI'll be free for you anytimeI'm going to love you more than anyoneFree for you, whenever you needWe'll be free together babyFree together babyI'm going to love you more than anyoneI'm going to hold you closer than beforeAnd when I kiss your soul, your body'll be freeI'll be free for you anytimeI'm going to love you more than anyone

and in the begining.....

2008-01-06T19:54:00.000-08:00

Becomming more acustom to a routine or starting over, which is more difficult to do? for the past three years in my life i had been living in DC, living life, a good life in fact. But when is change neccesarry? After a string of bad luck? or Hitting what people may say is rock bottom in your profession? Or when you have reached the top and the pond is no longer big enough for you?

I have recently took a job here on a Ship. Seeing the world cooking and creating. but what am i really creating? Well besides cusine i am creating a new me. Brian 2.0 I was happy with Version 1.0 but we are always growing and re vamping our selves. aMy love for DC is still there, and it is not easy at all to be away from familarity.

To engulf your self into a new project, with no out really is a big undertaking, and nights spent sulking were doing me no good, so i have finally realized that it will take me to change me, not anyone else. Freinds love and support will only go so far... you have to do the rest... the hard part. realizing your faults and flaws and comming to grips with them and loving them just as much as your strengths.

Sometimes you can never get past the fact of you are just lonley.... being around a 1000 people EVERY DAY and not really knowing anyone and no one really making an effort to get to know you. Missing the people who know what a gesture or facail expression means or if your smile is genuine or fake is something i think i will never be able to get over, well that and the feeling that i might be getting left behind....